He had just lost another battle to Paul. Ash didn’t want to eat. He didn’t want to even keep going. He wanted to think of the past when after a few tries, Ash could learn enough of his opponent’s tactics that he could beat him. But Paul was different. Every time he looked at Paul, anger clouded his judgment and he would lose. And he normally had a good control of his anger any more. But just seeing Paul made him angry. He sighed. All this stress wasn’t good for his health. He needed to relax. But that last battle had been so close. Thankfully, he didn’t call out Chimcar. Even if Chimcar wanted to defeat Paul even more than Ash, he didn’t believe Chimcar could be able to withstand that kind of beating.

“Chimcar?”

“Turtwig?”

“Staravia?”

“Buizel?”

His pokemon were worried. Everyone was nearly finished while Ash hadn’t even touched his.

“Pika Pikapi chu pipichu kachu pika.”

“You think that I should stop wanting to defeat Paul?!” Ash exclaimed in shock.

“Pi? Pika kachu!”

“You didn’t say that? Sorry, Pikachu, I’m tired. I haven’t been sleeping well lately,” Ash sighed.

“Pipichuka kapi chupi pika.”

“True! When was the last time that I had a decent night’s sleep!” Ash chuckled.

“So Ash, what are you going to do? You really want to beat him. But you can’t seem to. And from what I’ve seen, you’re stronger than he is so why does he keep winning?” Brock asked, starting cleaning up.

“It’s not about skill. He controls his emotions. I can normally do that, but not when I battle him. I just can’t. I’ve tried.” Ash sighed.

“Piplup! Get out of Ash’s bag!” they heard Dawn yell.

Ash saw his precious pictures, journals, and his wallet go flying. He ran quickly to catch them. And when he did, he saw Piplup start digging through his lure box. Then it took out Misty’s lure. He watched as Piplup ran to the river and was about to give it to a cute Goldeen. Ash dropped his stuff and ran the speed of light to retrieve his lure. He snatched it back just in time.

“Piplup! Don’t take things that isn’t yours!” Dawn scolded.

“Pikachu! Chu pika pikapi chu kapi!”

“Pip? Piplup….”

Ash looked at the Goldeen. It reminded him of Misty’s Goldeen. Then he looked at Piplup and figured it out.

“It’s ok. It was just trying to make a friend, right Piplup?” Ash asked.

“Pip? Piplup!”

“There isn’t any harm done. And I think Piplup’s learned its lesson.” Ash stated, heading back up to camp.

“If you say so,” Dawn sighed, returning Piplup.

Brock, Dawn and Pikachu looked back at Ash and saw him standing as stiff as a board.

“What’s wrong, Ash?” Brock called out.

Ash turned and ran back to them and behind Brock.

“Macey…she’s back.” Ash said, trying to hide behind Brock.

“Macey? You mean the girl who said that she loved you during the Johto League?” Brock asked.

“That’s me!” They heard.

Ash shuddered in fear. He did not need this right now. Not today. Not any day. He thought that he had gotten rid of her in Johto. But apparently not.

“Ash, sweetie! I finally caught up with you!” Macey yelled, running to Ash.

“I didn’t want you to catch up with me!” Ash yelled back.

“Don’t be silly, Ashy! How can we get married if I’m not with you?”

“Easy. We don’t!”

Dawn and Brock watched as Ash ran away from the crazed girl.

“Is she his girlfriend?” Dawn asked.

“Well, I wouldn’t call her that,” Brock said.

“SHE IS NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!!!!” They heard Ash yell.

“But then why is she talking about marrying him?” Dawn asked.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Paul said, appearing out of nowhere.

“PAUL!!!!!!!!!” Both Brock and Dawn screamed.

“We didn’t see you there,” Brock sighed, gripping his heart.

“That girl likes that idiot for some reason and refuses to believe that he doesn’t feel the same way,” Paul stated.

“LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU PSYCOTIC GIRL!!!!!!!!” They heard Ash scream.

“Normally, Ash would have plenty of energy to out run her, but since your battle made him miss breakfast and him being so frustrated that he didn’t lunch, Ash’s energy will run out pretty soon,” Brock sighed, “Ash! Head up a tree , Mankey boy!”

Ash looked around and saw a tall tree. He climbed as fast and graceful as a Aipom/Mankey. Soon he was close to the top, slowly testing his weight on the slim branches.

“CHIMCAR!!!”

Chimcar watched as it’s trainer retreated up the trunk of the tree. Now it saw Ash on the slim branches that would probably have a hard time holding itself up. It was scared for it’s trainer to say the least.

“I’m ok, Chimcar!” They heard Ash yell back.

“Yeah, Ash is literally just like a human Mankey.” Brock sighed.

“Why a Mankey? He looked more like an Aipom.” Dawn stated.

“Because when he gets angry, he evolves into a human Primape.” Brock sighed again.

“Ashy! Come down!” Macey cried out.

“NEVER!!!!!!!!!” Ash shouted back.

“Why not!? You know that I love you!”

“BUT I DON’T LOVE YOU!!!!!”

“Then who do you love!?!?!?”

“THAT’S NONE OF YOUR CONCERN!!!”

“SO YOU ARE SINGLE!!!! JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE!!!!”

Ash slowly started to climb down. Once down, he turned his back to her.

“No. I can’t.”

“Why not?!”

“Because I refuse to.”

“Why!?”

“Because I refuse everyone. I don’t want to date anyone.”

“Why not, Ash?” Brock asked, slowly walking up to his friend.

“Because I don’t want to be hurt. And that’s all dating gets me. Pain.” Ash sighed.

“How do you know that when you’ve never dated?” Brock asked.

“How do you know that I haven’t?!” Ash yelled with tears threatening to flow.

Brock stared at the young trainer. There was so much pain in his eyes. What had he gone through?

Truth be told, Ash did have one girlfriend before. And it was the girl of his dreams. The one that still held his heart. Misty. They decided to try dating just before they separated. And they managed to do good till after Togepi left. After that, anything he said only made them drift further apart. He tried to convince her that he could change. That he could be the man that she wanted and deserved. But she refused. She told him that she just wanted to be friends again. That she wanted to put the whole thing behind them and go back to being just best friends. Ash still remembered what he asked her when she said that.

‘Will that make you happy? If so, then I’ll do it. I’ll do anything that makes you happy.’

And she had said yes. So she and Ash were no more a couple. Just best friends. He knew that Misty would never do anything to hurt him, but it still didn’t make it hurt less. She was the only girl for him, and she didn’t want him. So long as she was happy, Ash could stand it. But it didn’t make it any better. After they broke up, Ash started having nightmares nightly. He’d wake up screaming and May, Max, and Brock standing above him looking at him. They wondered what was wrong and Ash lied and said that it was a medical condition that made him yell in the middle of the night. But he couldn’t hide the fact that every night he awoke in a cold sweat. His skin was always soak with it. Soon, he started having two-three nightmares a night. He had to move his sleeping bag away from the rest of the gang and take sleeping pills to get a half way good night of sleep without waking everyone. But that didn’t stop the nightmares. They still came. And his heart never healed. It still wanted to feel Misty’s love that he once held. It still wanted to learn why she broke it off. Soon, he ended up bottling up his pain and sorrow and ended up crying himself to sleep every night after everyone else had gone to sleep. And every time they passed a couple, it only made his heart ache worse. Every time Brock went gaga, Ash wanted to die. But he would never tell a soul that. Not even Pikachu knew what he thought of doing on several occasions. He truly thought of taking his life. It would end the pain. But he always realized that he couldn’t. It would place all his pain and sorrow on the ones that he loved. So he lived his empty life. His dream seemed so stupid now. He only did it because if he gave up, then everything he had done would have been for naught. And he would not have that. But still, that didn’t mean that he didn’t think of it. He had even thought of cutting himself. But then he refused to do that. He made himself suffer. He always knew that it was his fault. He just wanted to find out what he had done. So until then, Ash made himself suffer.

Then it hit Ash. That’s why he hated Paul. He had everything he wanted. Paul had a girl that loved him and that he loved. Ash had found that out when he went to heal his pokemon and call his mom. He saw Paul talking to her and saw him move closer. Just like when he called Misty when they were dating. When Ash was still happy. Plus, Paul never had to try hard to get anything, That’s why Ash couldn’t stand him. Paul was Mr. Perfect To People. Ash was Mr. Loser to People.

He felt so pathetic. He couldn’t even keep a hold of the girl of his dreams. He couldn’t even learn how to release his feelings correctly. No. He could if he truly wanted to. But he didn’t want to. He didn’t believe that he deserve it. Just like he never deserved her. Misty deserve better. She deserved the best of everything. Maybe he should just disappear.

“Ash? Why are you crying?” he heard Dawn asked.

Ash snapped back out of his thoughts. His hand touched his cheek and found it soaked with tears. He didn’t even realize that he was crying.

“Sorry. I didn’t realize that I was crying.” Ash said, wiping away his tears.

He hated showing weakness. Especially in front of his rivals.

“Ash, did someone hurt you?” Macey asked.

Ash just turned away from all of them. He didn’t want to talk about it.

“I’ll never hurt you, you know that.” Macey said, testing the water.

“You lie.” Ash stated coldly.

“What?”

“No matter what you say, I don’t believe you. The last girl who said that to me lied. She hurt me. She hurt me real bad.” Ash said.

“But I won’t! Not all girls are like that!”

“You will. No matter what you say or do, the answer will always be no. So long as I harbor this pain in my heart, the answer will be no to every girl who asks me. My heart shall never recover. My heart shall never love again. My heart has turned to ice that will never melt, surrounded by the hardest of stone in the world. And only one can change that. And she will never do that so long as she lives. I know that for a fact. So don’t waste your breath. Go and find the man that you’re truly destined for because this one isn’t him. This one isn’t even a man. He’s just an empty shell when it comes to feeling love towards humans.” Ash said, starting to clean up his stuff at the camp.

Macey stared at him. He was dead serious. It was like looking at a ghost. She didn’t see it before but he looked exhausted. Like he could die at any moment. No. He was already basically dead. He just was waiting for physical death to come. She nodded and headed on her way. If she ever caught the woman who did that to Ash, she’d ring her pretty little neck. Ash was a truly good person. He didn’t deserve to be suffering like he was.

“Ash…Who hurt you?” Brock asked.

“Drop it, Brock. I don’t want to talk about it.” Ash sighed.

“No. I want an answer.”

Ash stayed silent.

“Now Ash.”

“Fine….Misty,” Ash explained.

“Misty?! But you and her were never…You were, weren’t you?! I wondered why the two of you were acting nicer to each other for that period of time!” Brock exclaimed, “Ash! I never thought that she’d break up with you let alone hurt you.”

“Well she did…And I just want to know why. But she refuses to tell me. Maybe if and when she tells me, my heart can be freed. But till then, I’m going to live with my pain just as I have before.” Ash sighed, pulling his backpack on, “Return everyone.”

They all returned to there Pokeballs and Pikachu to it’s trainer’s shoulder.

“Paul…I admit defeat to you. I can’t beat you the way I am now. But someday. Someday I’ll be able to defeat you. Till that day. Goodbye.” Ash sighed.

He shoved his hand into his pocket and felt Misty’s lure. It was the only thing that kept him going anymore. He smiled. He still loved her. She was his dream now. And he’d do everything he could to reach that dream.

“You know, Ash, you need a vacation.” Dawn stated, as they walked away from their camp site.

“Yeah, but where are we going to find a place that I can actually relax at and not have to worry about Team Rocket anymore?” Ash joked.