Disclaimers:

There is no way in hell that I own all of the racing series that are mentioned in this fic!!! I will never own them whatsoever!! And there is no way that all the drivers mentioned in this fic will work for me!!! The only thing I do own is Keith Terrell, because I created him.

Mario's Notes:

I got this story idea from reading a funny NASCAR fanfic called "Digital Get Down", which was originally written by Caritas, a very talented NASCAR fanfic writer. If you compared her fanfic to this, it has the same plot and all but I did it with F1 drivers from my Pokémon/Formula One crossover and has more dialogue. So, all the credit goes to her and I hope she won't send me a lawsuit calling this plagiarism. The last thing I need is to pay somebody money, which my family DOES NOT have much of at the moment. Also, all the screen names and the chat room are pure fake, so don't try to find an auto racing chat room called The Cage and try to find these people.

Chat Room Melee

Keith Terrell sat down in front of his new computer and powered the machine up for the first time in many weeks. He, along with the Ferrari team and the rest of the Formula One teams and drivers are getting some well-deserved rest after the Italian Grand Prix, the race he won, before heading to Indianapolis. The Ferrari HQ in Italy was closed for a few days and Rubens went to Brazil to spend time with his family, leaving Keith alone in his house near the Ferrari test track. Keith and his family haven't been on speaking terms in over 10 years, so he calls Italy home. With the small break in racing, he decided to check up on something he hasn't done in a while. Visit the many auto racing chat rooms on the Internet.

The American driver always gotten a good laugh at what the fans of Formula One and all other forms of auto racing have to say. They are a real dedicated bunch of fans that love their racing. Most of the time, it was a bunch of girls that worship the ground he walks on, saying how sexy he looks in his Ferrari suit while others start flame wars about how he lost the 2004 US GP to Eddie Irvine and how Michael Andretti, his arch nemesis, would beat his ass in a IRL race. His favorite thing about these rooms is that nobody knows who he really is while he's pissing them off and disagreeing with them.

After finding his favorite Chat site, he went straight for his favorite room called, The Cage. An anything goes room where fans can talk smack about F1, NASCAR, CART, IRL and ALMS and go at it in the most vicious flame wars in Internet history!! He typed in his brand new screen name terrell_rulz_4life, and his favorite password in the whole wide world, Suicune.

"Here I go into the depths of hell." Keith said cheerfully as he clicked on the "go" button on the screen. Moments later, he was in The Cage. Right now, there were 7 people inside (excluding himself) and the current topic was lo and behold, himself and his chances of winning the United States Grand Prix this year.

----------

[terrell_rulz_4life has entered the chat]

Irvine_kicks_a$$: I don't think Keith Terrell will win the U.S. GP this year. I was going crazy when Eddie won it last year. He maybe old, but he can still show those young whippersnappers a thing or two about racing.

IRLRules: You Irish commie!!! Keith Terrell IS America!!! He's bigger than Ferrari!!! He is a god!!!

Irvine_kicks_a$$: Don't bite my head off, IRL. I like Keith and all that, but since Barrichello and Montoya are still battling for the Driver's Title, Terrell might have to let Rubens by and win.

CART_blows_chunks: Say, Irvine. Ferrari might actually let Keith win it this time. Besides. He helped Rubens fight his way back to the front after he was the meat in a Sauber sandwich at Italy. Ferrari still owe him something for everything he's done for them during the year.

Audi_Hatr: And... Ferrari can't pull Keith over because the FIA is lowjacking the radios. They tell him to pull over, they'll fine their asses big time. Damn Michael Schumacher ass kissers!!!

long_live_dale_earnhardt: And what would happen if Keith doesn't win? We'll have a repeat of the infamous Terrell fan riot after Irvine's win.

jos_THE_boss: I remember that. I recorded that whole thing on tape. I liked the part where some fans kidnapped Michael Schumacher and hoisted him in the air as he was yelling out for help.

IRLRules: And I still remember Ross Brawn trying to go to higher ground, but got dragged back into the riot. He was yelling out, "Don't touch me!! Don't!!" My god, that was priceless.

terrell_rulz_4life: And the stores being looted after the race. It was like one of those midnight madness sales. WE'RE SLASHING PRICES!! EVERYTHING MUST GO!! The whole city of Indianapolis was so pissed off. Hell, I was too!!!!

----------

Keith chuckled a bit at his remark. He was the guy that started the whole thing when he attacked Irvine after the race!! This is why Keith loved chat rooms. Nobody knows who he really is.

----------

Audi_Hatr: I wanted to see some driver get killed!! I would pay good money to see that!!!

long_live_dale_earnhardt: That wasn't a nice thing to say. Those guys have families of their own to support.

Audi_Hatr: Oh, don't give me that family shit!! I WANT TO SEE ANOTHER DRIVER GO OUT LIKE THE WAY AYRTON SENNA WENT OUT!! That kicked ass!!

terrell_rulz_4life: Dude... Senna hit that wall at 180 MPH. Then, a piece of the suspension went through the poor guy's helmet. Nobody deserves that. Senna was a God and racing lost one of their brightest stars that day on May 1, 1994.

Audi_Hatr: That's why I like auto racing!! To see people die!!!

DaleJrMan: You're a real dickhead, Audi.

----------

Keith was starting to get pissed off at Audi_Hatr. Nobody in their right mind would disrespect the great Senna. If Ayrton Senna was still alive and in F1, the Brazilian would find Audi_Hatr and kill him!!

"Good thing Rubens is not a Internet person. He would kill somebody if he saw this." Keith said to himself as the people started to defend Senna.

----------

CART_blows_chunks: Audi, stop dissing Senna!! You're committing an Auto Racing cardinal sin!!!

Irvine_kicks_a$$: Good thing Rubens Barrichello isn't here right now. He'd blow a blood vessel.

[I_luv_keith!!! Has entered the chat]

I_luv_keith!!!: I love Keith Terrell!!!

DaleJrMan: Oh, no! Not another one!!! Please save my soul, dear lord!

terrell_rulz_4life: Another what?

Audi_Hatr: Diehard Keith Terrell fans. All of them are female, American and are really crazy.

long_live_dale_earnhardt: Next to those female Dale Earnhardt Jr. fans, Keith Terrell fans take the cake in the crazy department.

I_luv_keith!!!: You're just jealous that Dale Earnhardt or Jr. isn't as cute and sexy as Keith Terrell!! That bastard is feeding the worms!!! Big E sucks!!

long_live_dale_earnhardt: How dare you say that about The Intimidator!!! I'll kill you, bitch!!! Dale Earnhardt's legacy will live forever!!! It will live on after Terrell's dead!!

Audi_Hatr: Hey, lady!! Never, ever disrespect Dale Earnhardt!!!! He did so much for his sport!!

jos_THE_boss: Yeah!! Don't disrespect the Intimidator, you will die!! And we'll laugh!!!

long_live_dale_earnhardt: Thank you for being on my side Audi and Jos Boss. See what I mean, terrell_rulz_4life?

terrell_rulz_4life: Yup.

I_luv_keith!!!: You guys are just jealous that Verstappen and Earnhardt aren't as cute as Keith!!

jos_THE_boss: I don't give a flying crap how hot Jos is!!! I do not like old guys!!!

Irvine_kicks_a$$: You like young guys, Jos. ;)

jos_THE_boss: SHUT UP!!!! I AM NOT GAY!!!!

I_luv_keith!!!: Keith Terrell is SOOOOOOO sexy!!!

CART_blows_chunks: God, shut the hell up!! We get the damn point already!!

----------

Keith laughed to himself. He just loves his diehard fans. At that time, the Legendary Dog Pokémon Suicune waltzed into the room with his leash in his mouth. Being 6'7" and weighing 427 lbs. is not easy when you're moving inside a small house that is only meant for 2 people. Keith doesn't mind it though. He saw Suicune sit down next to him and drop the leash in his hand. Looks like Suicune wants to go for a "walk."

"Oh, come on Suicune. I took out you for a "walk" one hour ago!! I'm still hurting from the hit I took on that parked car." Keith said,

[But, I'm bored!! You said I can do anything I want!! And I want to go for a "walk!!"] Suicune argued,

"I know that Suicune, but do you see this bruise I got from the last "walk" we went on?!!" Keith asked as he showed his Pokémon the giant bruise that came about from hitting a parked car as Suicune ran down a city street real fast. Suicune was about to go into another one of his tirades until he saw the chat room on the computer screen.

[Hey, is that a chat room? I just love to see what these idiots say about you. I wonder if that Michael Andretti lover is online? You and him nearly killed each other.] Suicune asked as it looked at the computer monitor.

"Yeah, and I had to change my screen name because of that!!!" Keith said,

[Forget the walk. This is more interesting than that WWE crap Ronin watches.] Suicune said as it sat down next to Keith and watched the members type up more crap on screen.

----------

[Schumi 3:16 has entered the chat]

terrell_rulz_4life: Are you a Keith Terrell fan, I_luv?

I_luv_keith!!!: Oh, hell yeah!!! That guy is the cutest guy in the universe!! I actually met him at an autograph signing at the 2005 Daytona 500 when he brought that Rubens guy, that cute Riley dude and that drunk Russian with him to see the race.

terrell_rulz_4life: Oh, yeah. I remember seeing that race and they had a segment where they showed Terrell and his gang getting more attention than the whole race.

DaleJrMan: Those dudes actually made me forget about the race itself.

I_luv_keith!!!: He was SOOOO nice to me!! And really cute too! Plus, he's single!!! I want to get my hands on him!!

----------

[Single, huh? How come I saw you hitting on Lorelei during your party a few days ago?] Suicune asked,

"You saw that?!!!" Keith yelled out,

[Duh. I am a Legendary Pokémon. I can sense anything I want to.] Suicune added smartly. Keith just sighed slightly and typed in a response.

----------

terrell_rulz_4life: Maybe he has a girlfriend already. A lot of time has past since the Daytona 500 and anything could have happened in his life.

I_luv_keith!!!: If he did, he should dump that bimbo!! I could totally love him better than any woman out there!!!

Audi_Hatr: And what does this crap have to do with racing? A lot of us don't want to hear another "Keith Terrell is cute!!" rant!!!

jos_THE_boss: Damn straight!!!

I_luv_keith!!!: Well, Keith is a race driver. Isn't he? And he's racing in Formula One. Right?

Audi_Hatr: For the last time... NOBODY GIVES A RAT'S ASS ABOUT HOW CUTE TERRELL IS!!!!! He's just a flash in the pan driver. He'll be gone in a few years.

----------

[Gone in a few years? We got a 3-year, $24 million buck contract extension!!! We are not going anywhere!!] Suicune said,

"You always think about the money, Suicune?" Keith asked as he petted Suicune's head a bit.

[Yeah. More Pokémon food for me!!] Suicune said happily,

"Not if Scizor and the others have anything to say about that." Keith added.

----------

[Ketchum_is_Krap has entered the chat]

IRLRules: God, Audi. Get that damn monkey out your ass and stop being so mean to everybody all the time.

Irvine_kicks_a$$: Switching gears from Terrell. Which of you people think who's going to win the Driver's Title in F1?

long_live_dale_earnhardt: I think Barrichello might have the edge. Montoya doesn't have ANY help from Ralf Schumacher because he wants to kill Ash Ketchum.

[Ash_is_cute has entered the chat]

jos_THE_boss: It's Montoya. He's been very good at Indy and Japan during the past few years. And the Williams guys are getting some more horses from the BMW engines.

Audi_Hatr: Don't think it will be Montoya. I got two words: Rubens Barrichello.

I_luv_keith!!!: Here is two more words for you: Fat chance!!! Keith Terrell's going to come from behind and win it all!!!!

DaleJrMan: Keith is a good driver, but he's too far back in the Driver's Points with two races left to make a charge at the lead. If I was a betting man, I would place Ash Ketchum as the dark horse. He has momentum on his side with his 3rd at Italy and his win at Belgium.

----------

"Oh, man. I have to tell Rubens, Montoya and Ash about this." Keith said to himself as he read some more postings. I_luv_keith asked him about who will win the Driver's Title and he already had his answer.

----------

I_luv_keith!!!: How do you think will win the Driver's Title, terrell?

terrell_rulz_4life: My money is on Rubens Barrichello and the Ferrari boys.

Schumi 3:16: Mine too.

Ash_is_cute: I think Ash Ketchum and his Toyota will shock the world by winning the title at age 17. He still has a mathematical chance at the title. And if he does, he'll be the youngest World Champion ever!!

Ketchum_is_Krap: Ash Ketchum sucks!!!

Ash_is_cute!!: No, he doesn't!!! He's better than any driver on the circuit!!!

Ketchum_is_Krap: Why the hell would I be jealous of that punk? He sucks!!!

Audi_Hatr: We get the idea, jackass!!!

Schumi 3:16: Hey, terrell_rulz. Are you a Rubens fan?

terrell_rulz_4life: You could say that. I support Keith, but I do lend out some support to Rubens.

Irvine_kicks_a$$: We all know that Montoya is going to win!!! He's better than Barrichello, so the discussion's over.

CART_blows_chunks: What?!!!

Irvine_kicks_a$$: You all heard me!! Montoya's gonna win!!

Schumi 3:16: Not if all of Brazil has something to say about it.

Ketchum_is_Krap: Ash Ketchum sucks!!!!! His Pikachu sucks!!!! His Toyota sucks!!!!!!

Ash_is_cute: Shut up, asshole!!!!

CART_blows_chunks: What makes you think that Montoya and the Williams boys will take the Driver's Title? Ferrari has already snagged the Constructor's Title at Monza.

Irvine_kicks_a$$: Because Juan Pablo Montoya won the Indianapolis 500 in 2000! That's why!!

CART_blows_chunks: Some good reason, son.

IRLRules: I think the F1 guys should race on the oval instead of the road course. Then, Montoya should have the edge and take the lead in the Driver's Title.

DaleJrMan: That would be interesting. Most of the drivers have never raced on an oval. Except Montoya. I bet that Riley Jenius guy would not even make one lap.

jos_THE_boss: Hell yeah!! I bet he would wet himself at the sight of a wall coming right at him at 220 MPH!!!

----------

"You know Suicune... I think he's right. Riley would piss in his pants scared at racing towards a wall at 220 MPH." Keith said,

[That's Riley for you. He would rather hit on chicks without Celia around than race on an oval track. I bet you would piss your pants if you're racing at a wall at 220.] Suicune said jokingly,

"Oh, shut up!! I would not!!!" Keith shot back, trying to defend his honor as a driver.

----------

I_luv_keith: Unlike Riley, Keith doesn't need to race on an oval to go fast and win!!!

Audi_Hatr: SHUT UP ALREADY!!!!!

I_luv_keith: Say, terrell_rulz_4life. Since you like Ferrari, have you ever been to a Formula One race?

terrell_rulz_4life: My family is very rich and are giant Formula One fans, so we go to a lot of F1 races. I lost the number of races I went to. I've been to a lot of them.

Audi_Hatr: Oh, that's funny. That'd rich. You haven't been to an F1 race in your life. Stop lying to us.

----------

[Haven't been to an F1 race? We've been to a lot more of them than you think!! Isn't that right, Keith?] Keith's loyal Dog Pokémon asked,

"Damn straight, boy. And I don't have to pay for a high priced ticket also. We get in for free!!" Keith agreed.

----------

terrell_rulz_4life: Think what you want, brother.

Audi_Hatr: At least I don't have to lie to get attention.

terrell_rulz_4life: Oh, yeah. I think I'm going to come online and lie to a bunch of morons, especially you Audi? I don't think so.

Audi_Hatr: You wanna fight about it? I'll kick your ass da Matta style!!!

terrell_rulz_4life: I can break da Matta in two. He's so small!! With your attitude, you remind me of a guy I know. Always pissed off about something.

Audi_Hatr: Shut up, goddammit!!

I_luv_keith: You're so mean, Audi. Just shut the hell up.

Audi_Hatr: Stay out of this, Terrell bitch!!

Schumi 3:16: What was the last race you saw live, rulz?

terrell_rulz_4life: Last F1 Race... Italy. I was there on the pit straight where Rubens and Terrell were spraying the champagne all over the Tifosi!!

Ketchum_is_Krap: I'm glad Ash didn't win!! He sucks!!!

Ash_is_cute: You seriously need to shut your trap, jerkoff!! He had that race won if he didn't use up the tires to build his lead!

Ketchum_is_Krap: That's why he lost! Ketchum sucks!!!!

long_live_dale_earnhardt: Ash lost the race because he made some rookie mistakes as well as using up his tires. Those two off road excursions in those gravel traps managed to slow him down so that Keith and Rubens passed him on the pit straight on the last lap.

Ketchum_is_Krap: Ash Ketchum sucks!! His town sucks!! His Pokémon suck!!! Japan sucks!!

Ash_is_cute: You seriously need to shut up before I go Wu-Tang on your ass!!

DaleJrMan: Speaking about gravel, I think Eddie Irvine went off into a few gravel traps at the end of the Australian GP earlier in the year and still won it over Rubens and Juan, despite losing a 20 second lead because of the offs.

Ash_is_cute: Eddie Irvine is too old to be driving. He's slow.

Ketchum_is_Krap: Ash Ketchum is also too slow to be on the track. Cuz, he sucks!!!!

Ash_is_cute: You know what, Krap. You suck ass!!

Irvine_kicks_a$$: imnsho, Eddie is not slow!!!! He's been racing long before Ash was even born!!! Hell, Irvine's old enough to be his dad!! And he has years of F1 experience, unlike Ketchum.

Ketchum_is_Krap: Cuz' Ketchum sucks!!!

Ash_is_cute: ASH DOESN'T SUCK!!!!!!

Irvine_kicks_a$$: And Eddie has a great personality!!

Ash_is_cute: Ash has a better personality too!! And he has Pikachu!!

Ketchum_is_Krap: And Ash is an idiot and has the personality of a brick, because he sucks!!! And Pikachu sucks ass!! And he's a dumbass!!

Irvine_kicks_a$$: LMAO!!!

IRLRules: Knock it off right now, idiots!!!! You're going to make the Ash fan cry.

Ketchum_is_Krap: Yeah. You would want to take Ash's ride at Toyota by crying, now would you?

Ash_is_cute: SSSHHHHHUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTT UUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!

----------

Keith laughed his head off while hitting the desk many times with his fist. He was laughing so hard that some tears were coming from his eyes. Ash was being doubled teamed by the Ketchum hater and the Irvine fan. And nobody was coming to his aid!!

"Poor Ash. Good thing he's not a computer person!!" Keith said as he laughed at the Ash bashing.

----------

terrell_rulz_4life: Who do you think is going to win the United States Grand Prix?

I_luv_keith!!!: Keith Terrell is going to win!! HE WILL, HE WILL, HE WILL!!!!

CART_blows_chunks: Not another "Keith is great!!" rant. I'm going to blow my head off.

Schumi 3:16: Terrell's not as great as Michael Schumacher. Right, rulz?

terrell_rulz_4life: Sure, buddy. Whatever you say.

I_luv_keith!!!: Keith is MUCH better than old Michael Schumacher!!!

Schumi 3:16: Say, terrell_4life. You know... your name looks kind of familiar to me. It's like... have you been here before?

terrell_rulz_4life: I have been in here before, but not in the past 3 months. I've been busy with life.

Schumi 3:16: I know your name from somewhere, but I just can't put my finger on it.

Audi_Hatr: Dude. The guy just said that he has been in here before!!! Get your head out of your tailpipe and back into your ass!!!

Schumi 3:16: You probably got your ass kicked a lot in high school. Didn't you?

long_live_dale_earnhardt: Now, people. Let's play nice here.

Audi_Hatr: Shut up, Imitator!!! You wanna fight, Schumi 3:16? I'll go Alex Zanardi on you!!!

Schumi 3:16: Go Alex Zanardi on me? What are you going to do? Bite my legs off?

IRLRules: God, Audi. Why the hell are you always starting fights in here? I bet you did get your ass kicked a lot in school!!

CART_blows_chunks: Every day, he would get beat by the varsity football team. That's why he's always pissed off.

DaleJrMan: Yeah! And the nerds of the Chess Club would beat his ass too!!

Schumi 3:16: He's starting fights because he's an asshole. That's it.

----------

Keith looked long and hard at the screen. For some odd reason, there was something about Schumi 3:16 that gave Keith a strange feeling in his gut. Keith felt like he knew who Schumi 3:16 was. And Schumi recognized his screen name, even though Keith changed his screen name before logging into the chat. Riley, Celia, Francois, Ronin and Lorelei and Michael all know that he likes to go into chat rooms. During his party, Keith told his friends about his new screen name and he swore that Michael Schumacher was hiding near him to hear it.

"It couldn't be him. It can't be. He doesn't like computers at all." Keith said. Suicune looked at the screen and Schumi 3:16's name. He too thought that was odd how Schumi spotted his name right off the bat.

"Well, boy. Looks like a test of the K.T.P.O.S. (Keith Terrell Piss Off System) is in order. And I know the subject that is very sensitive to somebody I know." Keith said as he started to type his next response.

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terrell_rulz_4life: Say, Schumi. Do you remember Michael Schumacher, Rubens and Ferrari being docked a million bucks for the Austrian podium debacle back in '02?

Schumi 3:16: Of course I remember that!!! Rubens won that race but he pulled over for Michael!! But to dock Ferrari, Rubens and Schumi a million bucks was total bullshit by the WM Council!!! THAT WASN'T FAIR TO MICHAEL!!!

terrell_rulz_4life: Of course it was fair. In fact, I think the WM Council should have stripped the win from Michael, drop him to 2nd, give the win and the 10 points to Rubens, then dock Michael 3 million!!!

Schumi 3:16: 3 MILLION BUCKS?!! What the fuck is wrong with you?!!!

terrell_rulz_4life: And having Michael try to sugar coat the whole incident by shoving poor Rubens onto the top step was a no-no and totally uncalled for. He just wants to save his own ass and reputation from being tarnished. I think Barrichello should have punched him right then and there. Rubens was an innocent victim.

Schumi 3:16: Shut up!!! Stop bashing Schumacher!!! He's better than Terrell any day!!

I_luv_keith: Please stop fighting!!! :(

Audi_Hatr: Don't stop, boys!! This is getting real good. I'm ready to see some blood spill!!

terrell_rulz_4life: You know... Michael Schumacher reminds me of this dude I work with. The bastard is always pissing me off, making fun of me and trying to start shit with me. For instance... we almost fought because he embarrassed me at this party with a lot of very important people in it back in '04. I still have that jean jacket I stole from him. The one his wife gave him for his birthday. The Ferrari logo imbedded on the back...

Audi_Hatr: What in Sam hill are you mumbling about, rulz?

terrell_rulz_4life: Oh, Schumi 3:16 knows exactly what I'm mumbling about, Audi_Hatr. Don't you, Schumi?

----------

Keith was giggling like a schoolgirl as he waited for Schumi's response. He was careful not to burst out in pure laughter because Suicune was sleeping peacefully next to him.

"I got you now, you son of a bitch." Keith said as he suppressed his laughter as the response he's been waiting for appeared on screen.

---------

Schumi 3:16: You're a goddamn asshole, you know that? (>_<)

terrell_rulz_4life: It took your German ass long enough to figure out what I was talking about.

Schumi 3:16: I knew it!! I knew it was you, rulz!!! You damn American, talking about the Austrian '02 debacle and the sponsor party!! I'm still pissed off about stealing that win from Rubens and Corinna nearly killed me for losing that jacket!! Rubens still hasn't forgiven me for that!!!

terrell_rulz_4life: You must have called down since then. Surely, you can't hold a grudge for that long.

Schumi 3:16: Shut up, damn you!! You were pissed off about one certain race last year. One race where some Irish guy in a green car stole a win you were DESTINED to have.

terrell_rulz_4life: IT'S ALL RUBENS FAULT!!!!! HE HIT ME!!

Schumi 3:16: On the contrary. You said that Rubens should get out of your way in the race. He hit you just to piss you off.

terrell_rulz_4life: Dude, you're screwed up. Your wife might need to beat your ass real good.

Schumi 3:16: Or maybe... I'll send her after you for what your damn mutt did to me!! That... damn giant dog Pokémon pounced on me and knocked me for a loop while you watched and laughed.

terrell_rulz_4life: That was funny. Reminds me of those old Flintstones cartoons I watched as a kid where Dino always tackled Fred when he came home.

Schumi 3:16: I'm still sore from hitting the pavement that day!! I'll make you pay for that!!

terrell_rulz_4life: And I'll make you pay for all the times you pissed me off!!

Schumi 3:16: Yeah, right!!! Cash, credit or check?

terrell_rulz_4life: Cash, Mikey!! You got plenty of it plastered on the walls of your place!! You can spare a few million. And I'll use it to buy more beer. Or some more Pokémon food for Suicune. Damn Legendary Dog of mine eats too much.

Schumi 3:16: You don't pay for your beer, you American. Those Budweiser guys ship you like, 80 million 24-can cases every month!!! And they're all gone in one night!!!!

terrell_rulz_4life: LOL!! I bet some German beer maker did that for you.

Schumi 3:16: I wish. But Corinna would throw me out of the house if she found out that some beer maker was sending me free beer.

I_luv_keith: Hey, wait a minute! Something fishy is going on here!!

terrell_rulz_4life: Fishy? What do you mean?

I_luv_keith: Oh... my... GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Schumi 3:16: Fisi? Fisichella? What about Giancarlo Fisichella?

Irvine_kicks_a$$: Fishy? I had a fish sandwich from McDonalds. So, it's probably that.

CART_blows_chunks: It's not that, Irvine. Schumi and rulz are talking like they know each other.

long_live_dale_earnhardt: Yeah, you're right. I can see that too. Michael Schumacher still gets pissed about the 2002 Austria GP debacle and Keith wants to kill Michael for embarrassing him at that sponsor party at Indianapolis in 2004. Then, Keith stole Michael's new jacket. I remember Speed channel showing those incidents.

DaleJrMan: And Terrell still gets pissed about the way he lost the 2004 U.S. GP to Irvine.

I_luv_keith!!!: I GOT IT!!! terrell_rulz_4life is THE Keith Terrell!!!! I've been talking to the real Keith Terrell!!! My dream lover!!!

IRLRules: No way!! There's no way in hell he could be the real Keith Terrell.

DaleJrMan: Look how he and Schumi 3:16 are talking to each other!!! Everybody knows they hate each other!! It's them!!!

Audi_Hatr: Them? And who the hell is Schumi 3:16 supposed to be? Some Nazi skinhead?

Ash_is_cute: Schumi 3:16 is THE Michael Schumacher!!!

jos_THE_boss: He is not Michael Schumacher. He hates computers.

I_luv_keith!!!: It is Keith Terrell and Michael whatshisname.

Schumi 3:16: Michael whatshisname? Americans.

jos_THE_boss: Is not!!

I_luv_keith!!!: Is too!!!!

Schumi 3:16: Is not.

Ash_is_cute: Is too!!

terrell_rulz_4life: Is not, is not, IS NOT!!!

I_luv_keith!!!: IS TOO, IS TOO, IS TOO!!!!!

Audi_Hatr: Yeah, right. Nice joke, you guys. You really fooled me. They are just faking.

I_luv_keith!!!: I've been talking to Keith Terrell, The Patriot!!! I LOVE YOU, KEITH!!!!!!

Audi_Hatr: That dude ain't Keith Terrell!!!

I_luv_keith!!! He is too Keith Terrell!!!! Will you marry me?!!!

terrell_rulz_4life: Uh... you're kidding, aren't you?

Irvine_kicks_a$$: Can you two tell Eddie Irvine that he still rules?!! Please?!! With whipped cream, sprinkles and a cherry on top?!!!

IRLRules: And can you tell Juan Montoya that he's going to beat Rubens with a hickory stick and win the Driver's Title?!!!

DaleJrMan: Tell Claire Winston that I think she's one hot gun-toting chick!! I LOVE HOT BABES WITH GUNS!!! I want her!!!!

CART_blows_chunks: Hey, Schumi and Terrell!! Tell Bernie Ecclestone that Chris Pook, Tony George and Mike Helton will bow down to Bernie the almighty!!!

Ketchum_is_Krap: You can tell Ash Ketchum that he sucks ass and is a piece of crap that needs to be flushed down the commode!!

Ash_is_cute: SHUT UP, DICKHEAD!! Mikey, can you tell Ash Ketchum that he's the cutest guy ever?!! *makes big, sad, puppy eyes look*

Ketchum_is_Krap: KETCHUM SUCKS!!!!!

Audi_Hatr: I tell you idiots this... THEY ARE NOT KEITH TERRELL AND MICHAEL SCHUMACHER!!!!!

jos_THE_boss: Yo, Terrell!!! Tell Jos Verstappen he's going to kick ass with Renault in '06!! Jos is STILL THE boss!!!!

long_live_dale_earnhardt: Can you tell David Coulthard to take up Ronin Vertigo's drinking challenge? He could out drink that dirty Russian!!!

Schumi 3:16: Um... okay.

terrell_rulz_4life: HEY!! Don't dis my buddy Ronin!!! He could kick your ass with his Drunken Fist!!!

long_live_dale_earnhardt: Yeah, right!! All I have to do is hit him upside his head with a crowbar. He'll be down crying.

Audi_Hatr: You idiots are just fakers! I bet you two are some losers from Boston.

Schumi_3:16: We are not. But, watch the U.S. GP pre race show on Speed, Audi_Hatr. We'll prove to you that we are who you think we are on National TV!!

Audi_Hatr: Yeah, right!! LOL!!! You two really are Keith Terrell and Michael Schumacher. What a good joke! LOL!! I nearly pissed my pants in laughter.

I_luv_keith!!!: I love you, Keith Terrell!! I want to be your love slave!!! I want to have your children!!!

terrell_rulz_4life: WWWWWHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Schumi_3:16: LMAO!!! :->

terrell_rulz_4life: SHUT UP, MICHAEL!!! At the U.S. GP, I'm finally going to kill your Nazi ass!!!

Schumi 3:16: Yeah, right Terrell!! Growlithe will bite your nuts off if you try to get near me!! And roast them!!

terrell_rulz_4life: And I'll have Suicune hose that fire-breathing mutt down of yours!! BASTARD!!!

Schumi 3:16: #&%@ you, Terrell!!!

[Schumi_3:16 has left the chat.]
[terrell_rulz_4life has left the chat.]

Ash_is_cute: Wow... that was really odd.

jos_THE_boss: Odd, but really cool. We actually talked to Michael Schumacher and Keith Terrell. What a day.

I_luv_keith!!!: *sniff* Why didn't Keith say he loved me... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

long_live_dale_earnhardt: SHUT UP!!!! I'm glad he didn't!!

I_luv_keith: *blows raspberry*

[I_luv_keith!!! has left the chat.]

Irvine_kicks_a$$: Anyway, this gives us a GOOD reason to watch the U.S. GP next week.

CART_blows_chunks: Damn straight. Well, I'll catch you guys on the flipside. I need to go to the forums at Speed Channel and brag to everybody that we talked to Schumi and The Patriot.

IRLRules: Mind if I come with you? I need to piss off Dave Despain, that bald-headed blowhard!

CART_blows_chunks: Sure. The more the merrier.

DaleJrRulz: I'm off to F1i.com to brag about this over there.

Ash_is_cute: So, let's all be back here on Monday after the U.S. GP, around the same time. All right?

long_live_dale_earnhardt: Sure thing.

IRLRules: Ditto.

jos_THE_boss: I'm down with that.

CART_blows_chunks: Cool beans.

Irvine_kicks_a$$: Ditto, ditto.

DaleJrMan: Bitchin'!

Audi_Hatr: Morons.

[Audi_Hatr has left the chat.]

----------

The person who was Schumi_3:16 hastily made its exit from The Cage and off the Internet. Schumi_3:16 was in fact, Michael Schumacher. He was the only person besides Riley, Ronin, Francois, Celia and Lorelei that knows that he enjoys going to chat rooms as a different person, so nobody knows who he really is.

"Damn. How did he know it was me?!! He's good." Michael said as he logged off his computer and saw Growlithe with its food bowl in its mouth, telling Michael it was hungry and wanted food now.

"Well, I can't worry about that now. All this Chat Room stuff and fighting with Terrell is making me starving. Come on, buddy. I'm in the mood for something German." Michael said as he picked up his Pokémon in his arms and walked off to the kitchen for something German.

---------

A few days later...

The U.S. GP has finally arrived and everybody in the paddock saw something that they would never see in their lives. The whole world is seeing Keith Terrell and Michael Schumacher being nice to each other for the first time ever. The rivals were grinning ear to ear with their arms around each other, acting all happy.

"Hello, everybody. Welcome back to exclusive and extensive coverage of the 2005 SAP United States Grand Prix on Speed. I'm standing next to Keith Terrell and Michael Schumacher, who are acting all buddy-buddy this weekend. Michael. Most of the time, you two are going at each other's throats." The Speed Channel guy said,

"Well, Keith and I had a change of heart these days." Michael answered,

"Yeah." Keith added frankly,

"Okay. Now do you two have anything to say to your fans our there watching Speed's live coverage?" The guy asked,

"Yes, we do. Irvine_kicks_a$$, Eddie thinks you kick ass too. IRLRules, Montoya said to me he'll drive his heart out to beat Rubens and win the title, but this is Rubens' time to shine. DaleJrMan, Claire said that it was the nicest thing any guy has said to her and she loves you for it. long_live_dale_earnhardt, Coulthard says he'll never, ever take Ronin's vodka challenge. Ever." Michael said,

"My turn. For Ketchum_is_Krap, Ash Ketchum says that you are a piece of crap too and Pikachu will shock you! On the other hand, Ash is happy that he has fans like Ash_is_cute, who will support him through thick and thin. jos_THE_boss, Verstappen is going to give it everything he has to put the Renault up front next year. CART_blows_chunks, Bernie said that the only way Helton, Pook and George would fear him is if he were to send all of us to do what we did to Team Rocket and the Pokémon League in '03. Lastly, I_luv_keith!!!, babe... I really like the marriage proposal, but... I'm dating the woman of my dreams. Sorry." Keith said and he started blushing again. Michael just shook his head and turned to face the camera guy.

"How about them apples, Audi_Hatr?!! Put that in your pipe and smoke that!! And don't you ever say anything bad about Ayrton Senna again, asshole!!! If you do, we'll find your ass, kidnap you, stuff you into an old F1 car and send you at a concrete wall at 180 MPH and see if you live!!! Then, we will laugh at you while you die a slow and painful death!!" Michael said and the two started to crack up laughing as they walked to the Ferrari garage.

"I can't believe we just did that!!!!" Keith said as the two walked back to the Ferrari garage,

"Bernie is going to be so pissed!!" Michael added and the two started laughing like little school girls.

"I have no idea what that was. Anyway, back to Speed Channel guys #1 and #2 up in the booth." The Speed Channel guy said.

The guy who was Audi_Hatr slumped back into his chair, not believing that Keith and Michael were the guys in the chat room. In fact, Audi_Hatr was actually Cristiano da Matta, former F1 driver. Cristiano was sacked by the Toyota team before the Hungarian GP in 2003 and was then fired by Audi's American Le Mans team for losing the Le Mans 24-hour race to the Bentleys in June. So, he's become known as the Audi Hater online. da Matta picked up his jaw from the floor and let the fact that terrell_rulz_4life and Schumi 3:16 were Keith Terrell and Michael Schumacher.

"Damn, it really was them. Last time I'm going to any chat rooms. I don't want to piss off any drivers lurking around." The small Brazilian said as he watched Speed's coverage of the race. That would be the last time Audi_Hatr would ever appear online. Now, the chat rooms of the Internet are a safer place for everyone.

The End

Well, this has been a hoot to write. First off, I want to thank Caritas for giving me the ok to borrow this idea, since she was the one who did the fic that I borrowed the idea from. I hoped you fans all enjoyed this piece.

As usual, please send any comments to Hornet19us@Yahoo.com

Mario Alvarado
7/15/2003
Formula One Rulz All!!