Fragile
By Kawaii Cherry Blossom
Disclaimer: I don’t own Pokémon, or the song ‘Fragile’
by Delta Goodrem. The rights to both are property of their respective owners.
Rating: M15+ - Mature themes
Genre: Drama/Angst/Romance
Type: AAMRN
Summary: Taking a break from Pokémon training, Ash
returns to
Ages:
Ash – 18
Misty – 18
Chapter 6
Reflections
“A little
fragile…
A little
fragile…”
MISTY
I used to love the water. When I was little I was
fascinated by my reflection, as it stared back at me when I looked into this
river. I used to come here and gaze into it for hours. But it’s different now.
Everything has changed. I’m not a child anymore. I’m no longer naïve, no longer
innocent and full of determination. My fire was put out, extinguished by
shadows of doubt and fear and anger. Now when I look into my reflection I have
to look away, because I’m so disgusted at what I see. So disgusted that I want
to throw my fist into it, drown myself, anything to make it go away.
What has happened to me? Who is that girl staring back
at me? I don’t even know her. I don’t think I ever did. And I don’t know if I
ever will…
What made me this way? I don’t know. It happened so
gradually that I hardly noticed it, and it quickly became normal. When I
returned home after traveling with Ash for years, my spark fizzled and faded as
each day was run by a routine that I’d grown fond of not having to live by. I
left home because I couldn’t stand it. I’d never felt as lost as I did on the
day I left, as I wondered aimlessly out of Cerulean on my brand new bike (I’d
just received it for my birthday). I didn’t know who I was, what I wanted,
where I was going, all I knew was that I could stay there. After walking around
for a few hours, I finally sat down to rest on a rock overlooking a beautiful
river. As I sat on the edge I began to cry, though I became angered at myself
for doing so. I kept thinking of my parents, and how different it would’ve been
if they hadn’t died. But they had. And I didn’t have anybody to turn to.
I don’t know if I believe in fate, but that must have
been what put Ash into that river on that day. Before I fished him out, I was
praying for something, anything, to guide me onto the right path. And when I
saw Ash, I knew that he must’ve been that something, or in his case, someone. I
didn’t know why at the time, but I saw something in him, something special. As usual,
I put up my defensive front to make myself seem stronger than I was. but when he
left with my bike, I knew my chance was waiting there for me to take it, and my
heart pushed me to follow him. In hindsight, I don’t know where I would have
ended up if I didn’t. Ash saved me, he helped me to feel accepted, and his
friendship provided me with the support I needed to believe in myself. When I
came back home, however, that confidence in myself faded, and I quickly found
myself giving way to my insecurities again.
But this time, nobody was here to save me…
The sound of a small droplet distracts me from my
thoughts, and I look down to see a circle of ripples waving through the water.
Another follows, and I realise I’m crying.
I just want to feel loved, desired, wanted, by everyone. I’m tired of fading
into the background, unnoticed by every passer-by, unless they want something. In
everyone’s eyes I was the bad seed, the only one in the family that didn’t fit
in. My daddy was my best friend; he was the only person who understood me. But
when he died, half of me died along with him. I wonder what he thinks of me. No
doubt he doesn’t understand, just like the rest of them. Especially Ash.
Ash… I love him… He said he loves me. That should be a
good thing, but it isn’t, because I know it’s not true. How could he love me?
I’m nothing. Nothing special, just nothing at all. He has no reason to love me,
and that’s why nobody does. And why should they? I don’t deserve it anyway. Most
likely he said it just to make me feel better. But he didn’t mean it. No way
could he mean it.
A sudden sound, a twig being crunched beneath
something, causes me to freeze, and fear rises up in me like mercury in a
thermometer. But turning around slowly, I discover it to be him. He looks hurt
and uncomfortable, and I wonder why he’s here if he feels that way. Wouldn’t it
be easier to just give up on me and leave?
Casting my eyes away from him, I turn back to face the
river and sniff quietly, before wiping away the tears that had gathered in my
eyes. There’s no point in running anymore is there? For a moment, I hear
nothing but the gentle sway of the water current, and I almost forget where I
am until I hear more crunching, before I feel him sit beside me. I tense up as
soon as his sits down, and I can’t look at him.
“Why are you here?” the words come out bitterly, which
is, really, a symbol of what I’ve become. Bitter.
“You know why,” he answers simply, his voice quiet. I
can feel his desperate gaze on me for a few moments, and he sighs helplessly
when I make no response.
“I don’t…understand, Misty…”
“Nobody does.”
“Do you?” his question cuts of any response I had
planned, and for a moment, I want desperately to fall into his arms and beg him
to help me. But I can’t. There’s no other way to live my life, if I have to
live it. This is who I am, the reality I have to accept, until I become what
I’ve wanted to be for so long – perfect. Just like my sisters, loved by
everyone.
“Misty, I love you more than anyone else in the
world,” he says, desperate emotion pouring out with his words. Feeling his eyes
on me, I turn my head fearfully to face him.
“You’re the most amazing person I know. You were
always so spirited and full of life and determination. And you were so sweet
and caring and loving and strong,
even when I was too stupid to realise it. But most of all, Mist, you were, and
are, beautiful. I don’t know why you feel you have to change yourself,
especially like this…”
ASH
Her eyes are closed and her shoulders are shaking by
the time I’ve finished speaking. She bites her lip but it seemingly doesn’t
stop the sobs that rise up within her, and overflow like a cup that’s been
filled with a volume of water exceeding its capacity. I let her cry, her
helpless, feeble sobs filling the previously silent air. A few moments later, I
put my hand over hers, which is resting next to her, and slowly but surely, she
leans into me. Cries rack her frail body, and she feels so small and delicate
as she lies in my arms. She is shivering, also, having left the jumper she was
wearing back at the gym. Making sure to be gentle, I wrap one arm around her. She
seems to give in to my comfort, but her cries exude helplessness and I don’t
really know what to do, so I just stay there. When I was little, and I was upset,
I used to stay in my mom’s arms for hours because it would make me feel so much
better, so maybe it will be the same…
“I just want someone to love me, Ash… I just want them
to love me like they all loved my sisters…” she says through her sobs, still
laying in my arms.
“How would doing this to yourself make people love
you?” I ask, because I genuinely want to know her reasons.
“I… It was the only thing I could control…” she chokes
out despairingly. “I want to be perfect just like them… I…I don’t want to be me
anymore!”
“Misty…” I say softly, and she glances up at me. Her eyes
are weary and drained, and shimmering tear stains mark her bony cheeks. “I love
you for who you were, the beautiful red-head that I met years ago. You never
needed to change yourself; you were perfect the way you were…”
“You don’t mean that.”
“You know I’d never lie, especially not to you,” I
find myself pleading, because I can feel her slipping away from my grasp, and
I’m so close…
“You don’t mean it… Y…you can’t…” she repeats, and
leans out of my arms. Leaning forward, she stares ahead aimlessly and wipes her
eyes. “You should go home,” she adds, her cold voice now devoid of any emotion.
And leave you here? No way. I stand; ready to chase
her if she runs away.
“I just want to help…” my desperate voice pleads; I
know I’m nearing the last of my chances.
Clenching her fists angrily, she growls and stands
shakily, before turning to face me. A flicker of fury is present in her
otherwise lifeless eyes.
“I don’t NEED help! Do you know what I need? I need
you to get out of my face!”
I’m shocked by her sudden outburst and I don’t know
how to react, so I just stand there and stare worriedly into her eyes. She
looks both helpless and defiant, but most of all, exhausted, as if just
standing up takes up all of her energy. And it probably does…
Suddenly, we both look up, startled, as thunder cracks
through the sky. Funny, I hadn’t even noticed the clouds that had rolled in so
quickly, darkening the sky. A burst of rain quickly follows, soaking us, and I
see Misty shiver violently as lightning bolts shoot through the sky.
Knowing we have to get out of the storm, I hold out my
hand, but she backs away.
MISTY
“Just get away!” my voice shrieks out over the
cracking of the thunder above us. I take a few steps back, hardly noticing the
heavy rain that’s drenching me.
He doesn’t back away; instead he stands on the same
spot, his hair matted around his head, glancing at me through devastated eyes. I
want to give way to him, let him take me home, but again, my weaker self is
overpowered.
“I don’t care what you think! I know what I’m doing
and you can’t stop me from doing it!”
His eyes defiant, he steps towards me.
“If you knew what you were doing, you wouldn’t be
doing this to yourself!”
“What the HELL do you know?!”
“I know you, and I know that you’re stronger than
this, not so weak as to give way to the pressure of trying to be like other
people!”
I glare into his eyes angrily as the rain beats down
upon us and a few stray lighting bolts dart through the sky.
“Look, I never asked you to come here! And I sure as
hell never asked you to help me! My life is none of your business! You don’t
understand a thing, you never could!”
“Do YOU understand, Misty?” he demands as his eyes,
filled with a million different emotions, bore into mine.
I can’t reply, I feel so tired, I don’t think I can
stand up anymore. And it’s cold, the rain is so cold, and the thunder is so
loud…
“Well, do you?” he begs, but his voice seems far away.
Beyond my control, I feel my weary eyes close for a moment, and open to see him
staring at me worriedly.
“Misty?”
“I…I don’t…” I manage to mutter, before the world
begins to spin around me. The rain becomes heavier, each drop beating down on
me like a nail, sharp and painful. The thunder is deafening and the lightning
blinding; and Ash’s worried calls fade into the whisping wind.
And I can hardly feel it, as my body gives way and I
feel myself falling. I feel a pair of strong arms catch me, but is that just a
dream or is it reality? I don’t know. Everything is so, so dark, and so black…
To be
continued…
Well, there’s a longer chapter for you. ^^ I hope you
enjoyed it. The next chapter will be the last, unless I decide to do an
epilogue, but I’m not sure about that yet. Thank you so much for staying until
the end. I hope I’m not disappointing you. ^^
Love and light,
Sarah.