Fragile
By Kawaii Cherry Blossom
Disclaimer: I don’t own Pokémon, or the song ‘Fragile’
by Delta Goodrem. The rights to both are property of
their respective owners.
Rating: M15+ - Mature themes
Genre: Drama/Angst/Romance
Type: AAMRN
Summary: Taking a break from Pokémon training, Ash
returns to
Ages:
Ash – 18
Misty – 18
Chapter 5
From The
Heart
“If people
can see right through my eyes
Like an
open door, that I can’t disguise
I won’t be
afraid from the tears I cry
I’ll not
run, I’ll not hide
This is
how I feel inside…”
MISTY
Leave. Why did I say it? I don’t know, really. But
it’s done now. I can’t take it back.
Wouldn’t it be great if you could rewind your life?
You could change things, erase your regrets and set your life on the track you
want to head, rather than the one you’ve ended up on. But I suppose that would
defeat the purpose of living, and learning lessons along the way…
Ash stares at me despairingly. He’s always been so
easy to read, his eyes are like doors to his heart. One look into them and you
know exactly how he’s feeling. But at this moment, I regret looking into them. He’s
upset, and it’s all because of me. All my fault. What
am I good for? Nothing.
He still hasn’t replied. I don’t really want him to
leave. It was one of those things that came out on the spur of the moment, but
I won’t take it back now. No, I’m too proud.
“I understand…” he finally speaks, and I look back
into his eyes, so filled with worry. I’m about to angrily reply that he
doesn’t, but I don’t get the chance.
“I’ll leave you alone for a while… I’m sorry for…well
you know…” his voice is quiet and he doesn’t meet my eyes as he says the last
few words, glancing down at the floor instead. One moment later, he turns
hesitantly and walks out of the arena, his hands in his pockets and his head
down.
I watch him go, before walking to the bleachers and
sitting down on a seat in the front row. Closing my eyes tightly, I put my head
in my hands and wish it all away. Tears form in my eyes, and I ignore the voice
inside my head, instead letting them fall.
I can’t do this anymore. I feel like I’m dying, like
all that’s left inside of me is bitterness, and it’s tearing at me from the
inside. I can’t control anything anymore. I don’t know where I’m going, what
I’m doing. What do I do…?
NO! You weak bitch, what is your problem? Look at you,
crying like a little baby.
No wonder you’re so alone, you’re nothing.
You are NOTHING!
You’re fat, ugly, disgusting, weak.
Ash will never love you. Nobody will ever love you.
Pinching my stomach, my face crinkles up in disgust,
and I feel sick.
I’m so fat, so ugly. He’ll never love me… Nobody will…
What is there to love? I am nothing… I’m nothing…
I rise from my seat, wiping my tears away angrily. I
feel ripped apart, one side bathed in fury and the other in helplessness. But
the fury controls, and my body heeds its call as it forces me up and towards
the bathroom.
I stand in front of the mirror, taking off my thick
jumper to leave my baby blue tank top. Looking at my body, my fists clench and
my face creases in repulsion.
So disgusting, look at me, I’m horrible!
Pinching my arms and then my stomach, I feel the anger
inside of me intensify.
Get rid of it. Get rid of the fat.
My breathing raspy and heavy, I kneel in front of the
toilet and stick my fingers into my throat. I can barely feel the tears in my
eyes, which are proceeding to spill down my face.
Hurry, get rid of it.
It’s the only way Misty, the only way.
The only way.
The only way.
The only way.
The only way!
“Misty, stop!”
ASH
Her face snaps up as I call out her name, her eyes
full of shock, yet the underlying helplessness is as evident as a red stain on
white cloth. Tears fall down her cheeks steadily, leaving shimmering trails
down her face. And as I glance down and notice her body, I feel a haunting
sense of devastation sweep through me. Bones show through her arms, shoulders
and stomach, the skin wrapped tightly around them. She looks like a wilted
flower, beauty that once was, but has withered as it stood lonesome in a field,
through storms, droughts, winds… She is small and frail, and I think that if I
reach out and touch her, she’ll snap… But it’s all I want to do, hold her tight
and never let her go, never let her do this to herself again. I’ll do anything
it takes…
She turns her head to look straight ahead, and falls
back on her knees. Loud sobbing accompanies the shaking that racks her body as
she cries, and tears form in my own eyes at the despairingly melancholic scene
before me. Closing my eyes for a moment, I take a breath, before I take a few
steps forward and kneel before her.
“Mist…” I speak softly, and her helpless cries fade
slightly. She looks into my eyes for a few moments, and I know that I see a
plea for help somewhere inside of them, but she glances away moments later and
stares straight ahead instead. Reaching my hand forward, I touch her arm
gently. She flinches slightly, but doesn’t move away.
You’d think that after all of the nights that I’ve laid
awake, staring up at the ceiling, that I’d know what to say right now. You’d
think I’d know what to do, how to make it all better, but I don’t. Is there anybody
that does?
“Let me help you…” I plead with her softly, but to my
dismay, she slowly pulls her arm away.
“Misty,” I say, “Look at me…”
For a few moments, she doesn’t, instead remaining with
her stare fixed forward. I call out her name a few more times, and I guess she
detects the despair in my voice, because finally, she turns towards me.
“Misty…your eyes are so pretty…but they are filled
with so much hurt and pain… Please, let me help you be free of it… Please…” My
words form before I can even think of them. I guess this is what you call
speaking from the heart.
Tears flutter out of her eyes once more and caress her
cheeks, and she closes her eyes for a few moments.
“You could never understand…” she speaks quietly, her
voice broken from her sobbing, before she stands. Shaking her head slightly,
she moves towards the doorway, but I know I need to make one final plea to her
while she’s actually listening. Still on my knees, I look towards her figure,
her back to me.
“Then help me to understand…”
Still shaking, she puts a hand on the doorway to
steady herself.
“Why?” Her voice is soft, delicate as a thin piece of
glass.
It’s at this moment that I feel my emotions start to
flow, as strong and forceful as a landslide or a tsunami. I know I can’t hide
it anymore, nor can I take it. And suddenly, it doesn’t matter what she says,
or how she takes it. Whether she rejects me or welcomes me with open arms, she
needs to know, and I need to tell her…
“Because I love you…”
She freezes, I can tell, though she has her back to
me.
“I love you…Misty…”
To be
continued…
I know, I know, cliffhangers rock. You told me in your
last reviews, so I thought I’d add in another one since you all love them so
much. Mwahaha. ^^
Hehehe. That was kind of short as well.
The next one will be longer, I promise.
But anyway, this fic will be
coming to a close pretty soon, about one or two more chapters to go I think. Thank
you again to all of those who’ve been reading, and especially to those who
review, because although I don’t write to get reviews, it’s nice to hear some
feedback and to know that you enjoy my work. So thank you. :) I love you all.
Love and light,
Sarah.