Fragile
By Kawaii Cherry Blossom
Disclaimer: I don’t own Pokémon, or the song ‘Fragile’
by Delta Goodrem. The rights to both are property of
their respective owners.
Rating: M15+ - Mature themes
Genre: Drama/Angst/Romance
Type: AAMRN
Summary: Taking a break from Pokémon training, Ash
returns to
Ages:
Ash – 18
Misty – 18
Chapter 4
Sinking Afloat
“Sometimes
I feel like I’m alone
Sometimes
I feel like I’m not that strong
Sometimes
I feel nothing at all
Sometimes
I feel vulnerable
Sometimes
I feel a little fragile
A little
fragile…”
ASH
I’m so stunned I don’t know what to say. There are a
million questions wandering through my mind, forming a traffic jam of
speculation, but none of them seem right to ask in order to get the reply I
want. She looks afraid; I see it behind the anger that’s creeping up in her
eyes as I look into them. Fear is something one rarely notices in Misty. She’s
always been so strong… But as I stand opposite her, I notice that she almost
looks like a completely different person. She looks small, frail, gaunt… Her
vivacious personality has been replaced with the haunting shadow of anger and
despair, which is so obvious beneath the façade that she wears as a mask. Her
hair is limp as it hangs around her face, where her skin hugs her bones. And
although I can’t see any of her body, I can bet that it looks the same… How
long has she been doing this for? And how can I be her best friend, and not
notice any change? What on earth do I say to her now…?
“What do you think you’re doing?” she growls, beating
me to it, and I’m caught off guard although it seems like the most obvious
question she could ask.
“I… Well I was worried and…” I stutter out, stumbling
over my words.
“You have no right to spy on me! Can’t I even go to
the bathroom in peace!” her voice rises in volume and her anger intensifies, like fire when it is fed wood.
“I wasn’t spying…”
“Then what do you call listening at my bathroom door?”
she spits back, her eyes boring into mine.
“If you have nothing to hide, why are you so upset
about it?” I put the question to her, hoping it will make her back down. But it
doesn’t, I notice, as she grows angrier.
“Because you’re always questioning me, spying,
prying into my life! Can’t you see I have my own life here? I’m
not some little girl anymore, and I don’t need your help to get by! I know what
I’m doing! Why don’t you just leave me the HELL alone!”
That really hurts, and I think she knows it, because
she says no more. Giving me one last glare, she stumbles away and I watch her
go. There’s no point in letting this go further, and get more out of hand than
it already is. The last thing I want to do is push Misty away completely. With
that in mind, I exit through the bathroom’s adjacent door and lean against the
wall of the hallway outside her room.
At least I can be somewhat sure, now, that what Brock
suspects may be true. And as much as I don’t want that to be so, if I know,
then I can help her…
MISTY
Who does he think he is, invading my privacy like
that?
As much as I want to be angry enough to punch
something, I find that I can’t. Part of me wants him to find out, so that he
can help me, save me…
Oh, what am I saying? I don’t need help.
Taking off my jumper, tank top and pants, I stand in
front of the mirror in my underwear and stare at my reflection. Disgusting. Look at how disgusting I still am. No matter
what I do, nothing changes it! I pinch the skin on my stomach and look to the
ground helplessly. Why is this happening to me? All I want is to be skinny,
pretty. Why can’t I do it? Am I that helpless, useless? Is there anything I can
do right?
No, I’m just a failure… Sinking to the ground, I slam
my fist down on the hard floorboards, and if it hurts, I don’t notice it. I’m
such a failure. Bitch, fat, failure, ugly, disgusting… I hate myself. I hate
everything about myself. I hate it! Slamming my head back against my bed, I feel
tears well up in my eyes, and I bring my head down and press it into my hands.
Letting out a sob, I curl myself into a ball and wail softly.
I can’t do this anymore, I can’t… I don’t want to… Someone
help me, please… Just help me…
The next
day…
ASH
Morning. Though, it makes no
difference to me, since I’ve been awake all night. I think sleep overcame me at
about
I feel panic rising up within me as I rub my eyes, and
once again look towards the clock.
Jumping out of the bed, I shed my pyjamas
and grab my jeans and a fresh black t-shirt, before pulling them over me
hurriedly. I really want to check on Misty…
Closing the door behind me, I rush down the hallway to
Misty’s door, which I find to be closed. I hope she’s
not still angry at me… My soft knock echoes through the silent hallway; and I
wait for a few moments, before knocking again. But still, there is no reply.
“Misty, are you in there?” I call out, but receive no
reply. Is it wrong to open her door and barge in? She got angry at me last
time, but it’s not like I haven’t made it clear that I’m coming in… Placing my
hand on the doorknob, I take a deep breath, praying that she won’t see this as
intrusion. I turn the knob and open the door a creak, before peering in.
There is…nothing…?
Opening the door fully, I’m greeted with an empty
room. Puzzlement and a slight sense of concern sweeping through me, I close the
door and make my way towards the kitchen, passing the seemingly endless blue
walls of the gym, when I hear a battle cry coming from the distance. Turning my
head towards its place of origin, I make my way to the gym’s arena, and I’m
apparently just in time for a battle.
Misty and her Starmie stand
ready to face a cocky looking kid with a Charmander. This
should be a piece of cake for Misty, she has an enormous advantage, and the kid
looks like he hasn’t done this many times. In fact, he reminds me of myself
when I was first starting out… Cocky, determined, I didn’t know much about the
world but I wasn’t afraid to find out, no matter where life took me. I’m lucky
that I ended up where I did, with the people I did, especially Misty…
I hope she won’t mind if I sit and watch, I think to myself
as I sit down in the stands. She hasn’t seen me, or if she has, she hasn’t
acknowledged me.
Focusing my eyes on the battle beginning in front of
me, I find that they drift over to Misty’s form right
away. She sends out her commands to Starmie, who carries
them out, but there is something missing, like a part of her spirit has faded
into nothingness. She looks fragile, as if she can hardly hold herself up, but
her stubbornness won’t let her give in. There is something behind her
determined stance and the strength in her eyes that is holding her back, I can
see it if I look very closely. It’s like she’s wearing a mask, covering herself
with strength to hide whatever is going on underneath… And she’s still
concealed within baggy clothes, though it is overwhelmingly hot today.
My thoughts have overtaken me so much, that I’ve
hardly been paying attention to the battle. But it’s over, and amazingly, Misty
has lost. To a newbie. With a Charmander. She bows her head and returns Starmie, before stepping off of her platform and pulling a
small object out of her pocket. When the kid, who just enthusiastically bounded
towards her, reaches her, she presses the badge into his hand and says a few
words to him, probably congratulating him on a job well done.
When he leaves, she turns towards the door and begins
to make her exit.
“Misty!” I call out, forcing her to notice me sitting
there as she whips around. The curiosity in her eyes fades and her stance
loosens as she stares at me, an unrecognisable look
in her eyes.
Standing, I walk towards her, and discover that she
looks emotionless, no trace of any feeling at all…
“How are you feeling?” I think it’s
best not to mention the battle unless she brings it up…
“Fine,” she replies, and her voice is as emotionless
as her eyes. I sigh inwardly, not letting it show, and I find myself lost for
words as an uncomfortable silence envelopes us for a few moments.
“Have…you had breakfast?” I ask the question I gather
she doesn’t want to hear, and as expected, a hint of emotion flickers in her
eyes. Whether it’s anger, fear or longing, I can’t tell. Perhaps it is all
three.
“Yes,” she replies simply.
“Oh… Well, I was gonna make something. Do you want
anything?” She looks as if she’s going to say yes, but finally, she shakes her
head and mutters a ‘no thanks’, before turning and starting towards the door.
“Misty,” I call, and she halts, but doesn’t turn
around. I move closer to her and take her hand, before gently swinging her
around to face me. She looks lost, as if she’s wandering endlessly through an
open space, with no way to get to where she wants to go. It’s as plain as day
to me when I look into her eyes, yet seconds later, she throws a blanket of
anger over herself to cover it.
“What?” she asks, her tone signifying that she’s
annoyed.
“Did you really have breakfast?” She looks caught off
guard, but doesn’t back down.
“I told you I did! Why are you always on my case? I
didn’t say you could stay so you could question me about everything I do!” her
words are bitter, as cold as ice.
“I just…want to help…”
“Help with what?” she asks, exasperated but I can tell
she knows the answer.
“With whatever it is you’re going through.”
“I’m not going through anything!” her eyes are blazing
like fire, anger emanating from every flickering flame. “You think you know me,
Ash, but you don’t! You don’t know a thing!”
“I knew you before…”
“Yeah, well people change,” she replies sarcastically,
waving her hand dismissively. God…this must be so hard for her… I don’t
understand, not one part of it, but there is no way I’m going to rest until I
do.
“I know you haven’t been eating. And I know you’re
throwing up what you do eat,” I decide it’s time to press her with accusations,
before she pushes me away any further.
“What are you talking about?!” she shouts
horrendously, fear now seemingly driving her anger.
“I just want to help you, Mist…”
“I don’t know why you think that, but you’re wrong!”
she cuts me off. The fear in her eyes tells me that she’s lying.
“You don’t have to lie anymore…”
“I am NOT lying!”
“Misty…”
“Just stop it! Leave me alone! I can’t stand it any
longer. Why won’t you just listen to
me?! I said I’m fine! And if you’re not going to trust me enough to believe me,
why don’t you just leave?!” she
screams the last word in emphasis, and my helpless eyes meet her fearful ones. Her
face is streaked red with anger, her fists clenched as her body shakes. I
should’ve known this would happen. But how can I leave now? Does she really
want me to? Why are there always so many questions, and not enough answers…?
To be
continued…
I hope you liked chapter 4. I put most of it in Ash’s
point of view, because I thought I’d use it as a way of conveying his worry for
Misty. Please review! Thank you for reading. :)
Love and light,
Sarah.