Disclaimer: TLC own the song ‘Damaged’ and Pokémon-y people own Pokémon.

Author’s Note: Fourth part in my alphabetical song fic series and a sequel to ‘Addicted’. ^_^ I know you all love crazy psycho Ash. There’s even a third sequel to it!

I suddenly sat up in bed, drenched in sweat. Wildly, I glanced around the room, looking for someone. Only when I realized it I had been dreaming did I lean back in the pillows.

"Just a dream…" I murmured to myself, pulling the covers back over my body. "It’s just a dream…he’s not here…"

I repeated the words over as I closed my eyes, breathing in the air deeply, "Just a dream…he’s not here…not here…dream…dream…"

I let myself fall back into the darkness, back into the world of dreams- still repeating the words, trying to calm my soul.

"He’s not here…it’s just a dream…"

"Who’s not here?" A manly voice came from my bedroom door.

Frightened, I sat up again. The male figure was illuminated in the doorway by the hallway light. I was groping around the bed, then the bedside table for a weapon, a light, anything- when the light flipped on.

Brendan stood in the doorway, one hand on the light switch, the other on his hip.

I sighed. Of course it was Brendan- who else could it be?

He walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge. He leaned over me and kissed my forehead, still covered in sweat. "What’s up, baby?" He mumbled against my skin, "Who’s not here?"

I sighed and reached for his hand, "Nothing…it…it was just a dream."

He smiled, "So I’ve heard…" Silence. "You were thinking about him again."

He looked up into my eyes. He could see they were reflected with tears. Leaning down, he captured my mouth with his, but I broke away.

"I’m sorry Brendan…I had another dream…that night…"

He kissed my cheek and sighed, "May…that was 5 years ago!"

I pulled away, hurt, "But it still stings Brendan! You know what happened!"

He was so supportive before…My eyes welled up. I knew this would happen. He was going to leave me…

Brendan scooped me up in a hug, enveloping me in him. "Don’t cry! Don’t cry!"

I couldn’t help it, I did. I knew he was going to leave me because of what happened. It wasn’t something you could ignore. Especially when it happened to your girlfriend.

He seemed to read my mind. Kissing my forehead again, he muttered, "May—I’m here…always here. I’m never leaving…"

I wanted to believe him. I had to believe him. I tried to think of something else…but the tears still came. I was remembering the night again…

My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that
I've been damaged
I'm falling in love
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged

Ash scooted closer to me, "Misty?"

I choked and hugged Brendan closer. The tears were pouring down my face.

Brendan stroked my hair, "Baby…baby its okay…it was years ago…he’s gone…"

He continued to mutter comforting words, but they seemed to slip right off me.

I looked up into his eyes, "But it’s not okay…he’s not gone…"

Brendan pulled me closer. He knew I didn’t need to be thinking this.

"They never caught him, Brendan…he’s still out there."

And I really really really care (And I care about you so much)
And I really really really want you (I really do want you)
And I think I'm kinda scared (But I'm scared with every touch)
Cos I don't want to lose you (Cos I don't want to lose you)
If you really really really care (If you care for me like you say)
Then maybe you can hang through (Then maybe you can hang through)
I hope you understand (I hope you understand)
It's nothing to you (It's nothing to you, you)

He fell back on the bed with me and kissed my cheek. "It will all be better May- soon."

I choked again and cuddled up against him.

"They’ll find him," He continued, "He’s pretty popular…"

"Brendan it’s been FIVE years. He’s evaded capture for FIVE years- no one’s gonna find him…" I whimpered.

"Yes they will," He said firmly. He got out of bed and walked over to the door, turning back at me he smiled, and reached out to flip out the light.

"Brendan?" I called out, as he pulled the door shut behind him.

"May?" He called back, stepping back inside the room. He went back over to the bed and held my hand.

"Brendan- you’re not ever gonna leave, right?" I whispered.

He shook his head. "No, of course not…"

"I need you Brendan…you’re my…my…my Brendan." I said, squeezing his hand. He nodded and leaned down to kiss my forehead again.

"I really love you Brendan," My voice becoming choked once more, "I couldn’t stand it if you…you left."

"Why would I leave May?" His reply came.

Stifling back tears I said, "I’m…used. Broken…not perfect…"

"Oh May…" He sighed, "We’ve been over this. I doesn’t matter about Ash- I still love you."

"But do you remember when I told you I wasn’t still…?" I protested.

His look became hurt, "I’m sorry I acted that way…I didn’t know. I mean, we were fifteen…young…I didn’t understand…"

"You said you were going to leave…you didn’t want to be with me…" I said, "I was damaged goods."

"I didn’t say that last bit!" He protested now.

"I know…" I whimpered, "But you were going to leave…just because of what happened…"

And I really really really want you
And I think I'm kinda scared
Cos I don't want to lose you
If you really really really care
Then maybe you can hang through
I hope you understand
It's nothing to you (It's nothing to you)

"Listen May- I love you no matter what! I was stupid and fifteen! You know how stupid fifteen year olds are! I love you and I’m not going to leave you."

I whimpered, but believed him. At least for now. I knew my doubts would come back

He kissed me and left the room. I didn’t call him back that time.

Instead I found myself thinking of that night again…when I had come to…

I woke up. The first thing I realized was that it was cold.

I shuddered now, for real. How could Ash had done that? What kind of sicko was he?

What kind of sicko was I now? I hadn’t been able to stop him…did that make me as bad as he was? Was I too weak to push him off of me? To stupid to bring my knee up and conjure him useless?

No boy would ever want to love me again. Brendan had lied to me. Of course he was going to leave me. I was damaged- destroyed- spoiled…

I whimpered again and crept back into the dark underneath the covers. My first love had hurt me by doing the unthinkable- of course Brendan was going to hurt me by leaving.

It never worked out for me…

Author’s Note: Meh- I don’t think this turned out the way I wanted it to be. I was going to make this May/Tracey- but Brendan went better, I guess. I should do a Tracey fic soon. Poor unloved Tracey… You guys are lucky. I actually had a pretty nasty sentence in the flashback to prove that May was raped. But then I changed it. Woo. And I guess I kept repeating the same thing over again- but that was meant. And I know that some of you didn’t really think Ash had raped May- they were only 13. But I know some pretty disturbed thirteen year olds and two girls my age who have been raped. It happens. :{

Next Songfic: Escape (Sequel to ‘Addicted’ and ‘Damaged’) Ash goes looking for ‘Misty’.

Flower Powerer