Heart & Soul  

Chp 5: The Lady Is A Tramp (Babes in Arms)

-+-

Misty tugged ‘herself’ up for the fourth time down the short corridor.

“Jeez Ash, they’re stilettos, not anti-gravity boots!” she tried to screech in her new deep voice at the scowling redhead.

“I’m not used to it,” Ash growled. “There’s the heels to deal with, and this long hair getting in my face, things bumping up and down, and these tights are totally riding up!”

“I’d hit you,” Misty murmured in reply as she looked cautiously around the empty corridor. “But I don’t wanna mark my beautiful face.” Ash stuck his tongue out as he rolled his eyes, but refrained from commenting as a large group of League officials ambled past.

“Oh, Mr Ketchum?” piped up one from behind a bushy moustache.

“Yes?” answered Ash, before feeling a cold chill rush over him, shutting him up

“Uh, y-yes?” stammered Misty, smiling through clenched lips at the official, who regarded her strangely.

“I was wondering if you could give me a brief outline of your speech today?” Misty paled.

“I- er, that is I- I’m afraid that ah, that’s… classified information,” she babbled, shooting looks to the haughty ‘girl’ beside her.

“Maybe I can help,” sounded Ash suddenly, lowering his girlish voice to a seductive tone. Misty shot him a glare. ”I’m Misty Waterflower – Ash’s personal assistant. His speech is going to be on the construction on the north-west section of the Safari Park. He has reason to believe that a herd of Kangaskhan does are currently in their ‘pregnancy hibernation’ there, and mustn’t be disturbed.”

“Thank you, miss,” purred the old man, reaching out and kissing Ash’s hand. Misty watched in shock, as Ash in her body moved his leg so her respectable skirt suit rode up, and simpered as the lecherous old man drooled all over his hand.

“I’m in room 25,” Ash said suddenly, loud enough for everyone in the corridor to hear. “Maybe we can continue our… discussion… later tonight, huh?” The old man’s eyes widened, as he nodded and babbled in a way that reminded Misty of a younger Brock. He then acquired a nosebleed, and excused himself, leaving a fuming Misty and a smirking Ash alone in the corridor once more.

“I hate you,” spat Misty, folding her arms against her broad chest. “Now everyone is this hotel is going to think I’m some kinda easy hooker!”

“Oh, don’t you want them to know? My mistake,” feigned Ash, trying to keep the grin off his face.

“Stay the hell away from me Ketchum,” spat Misty, as she began to stride furiously down the hall.

“Don’t look in the mirror then!” called Ash as she moved further away from him, and she clenched her fists in anger.

Now again unbeknownst to them, Brock and Tracey stood dismally in the corridor.

“Is it possible for angels to have headaches?” whined Tracey.

“Okay you go with her, I’ll go with him,” sighed Brock. “No wait, you go with him now, and I go with the her… cos Ash is a her… or is he a he? Or do we swap people entirely now?”

“And the source of my headache is you” snapped Tracey, as he pushed a confused Brock in the direction Ash was ambling, winking at every male he saw and wiggling his hips.

-+-

Ash sat in the tartiest thing he could find in Clair’s wardrobe, on a table full of drooling men. He found flirting with men hilarious – but never paused to wonder if that was how he acted when a girl flirted with him. He was startled from his reverie by a chorus of whoops and catcalls.

“What’s up?” he asked Morty.

“The Pokémon Master’s streaking!” the GymLeader replied, nervously biting his lip. Ash’s eyes momentarily fluttered closed.

Misty sauntered in, completely calm and completely naked, followed by a chain of besotted and bemused women. Ash raised to meet her, blushing horribly, as it was his body on show to all the Pokémon elites in the world here.

“Mi- Ash! What do you think you’re doing?”

“Calm down, Misty,” Misty smirked. “There’s nothing to be excited about. No really, look at how small it is – nothing at all to get excited about.”

A levitating and unseen Brock was laughing so hard, if it had been possible to wet his pants, he would have.

Ash set his teeth and growled as all the females in the room began to giggle, and the men to arch their eyebrows.

“Oh yeah?” he retorted, reaching for the zip to the tight leather top he was wearing. A few manoeuvres later, and he was standing there in a leather miniskirt and standard white and lacy bra. There were assorted calls of ‘wayhey’ and the like from the male occupants of the room, but Misty shrugged off the resulting light blush quickly.

“Nice tits Misty,” she bluffed, staring him straight in the eyes. He smirked back.

“You ain’t seen nothin’ yet,” he grinned, as he struggled with the metal clip at the back of the bra, before it fluttered to the floor. Misty closed her eyes momentarily in horror.

“This is the best Elite convention ever!” whooped a delighted Rudy. Ash on the other hand, was staring down at ‘himself’ in horror.

“Woah…” he breathed. “These seemed smaller in that yellow tank top thing…”

“Okay, show’s over folks!” babbled Misty, grabbing the entranced Ash by the shoulders and pushing them out of the room, to a hearty round of applause.

“Truce?” she asked, as she roughly clipped her bra back onto Ash, as they made a dash to the lift.

“On the nudity thing,” Ash replied, tossing the leather top to Misty, so she could hide his crotch.

“Kay,” Misty replied as she surveyed the top with distain. “Where the hell did you get this?”

“Clair’s,” Ash answered, as they stepped into the lift. “Hey, Misty?” Misty’s finger halted in front of the button. “It’s not… that small is it?” Misty sighed heavily, and jabbed the button to take her up to her floor.

-+-

“Hey!” literally barked a voice, as Tracey and Brock sat up in alarm. Misty was laying on her stomach on the large bed watching a Ranma ½ movie (for tips) on the hotel room television, and Ash was downstairs at Reception, trying to see if ‘Misty Waterflower’ could swap to the room adjoining ‘Ashton Ketchum’s’.

A slender, purple paw beckoned from the adjoining en suite, and cautiously, the two angels floated over. Catalia-the-Espeon surveyed them a second, before jumping up to balance on the sink so she was more eye level.

“Catalia! What are you doing here?” asked Tracey.

“Have divinity, will travel,” the sleek Psychic Pokémon shrugged. "I’m not pleased with the use of Brock’s miracle, and I made it void, which is why they can’t see you anymore. Luckily, no one higher than me found out.”

“I thought God could see everything?” Brock asked curiously. Catalia made a scoffing sound.

“Trust me, being omni-present is waaaaaay over-rated. Anyway… guess who’s running out of time?” she grinned, showing rows of sharp, fox-like teeth. Tracey and Brock groaned.

“Yeah, yeah, point taken,” murmured Tracey.

“They’ve seen each others bits at least?” pointed out Brock, hopefully, before being silenced by two condescending looks.

-+-

“Aaaaaaaaash!” Misty pounded on the door. “I don’t remember giving you permission to have a bath in my body!” Ash whimpered from behind the locked door.

“Believe me, it was necessary...”

“What – did – you – do!?” she yelled, pounding the door on each word. There was a mumble from inside. “Whaaaaat?”

“I peed on myself…”

“You WHAT? How the HELL did that happen?”

“I tried to go standing up…”

Misty gave an exasperated sigh, and flopped back onto the bed, staring sadly at her hairy knuckles. I haaaaaaate this body, she whined to herself. I hate being in it. It’s dirty, and smelly, and clumsy… and I hate Ash being in MY body even more.

Of all the people I had to be body-swapped with… the one person I swore I’d never speak to again without the use of a swearword.

Okay, Brock and Tracey… the floating angels… had said that she and Ash …the guy she now hated but used to be best friends with… had to work out why they had to stay together. She would have thought it was a dream, but she knew from movie experience that whenever the heroine thinks that it’s a dream – it’s not.

She looked up as Ash wandered out of the bathroom, followed by a cloud of steam, rubbing his orange hair with a towel whilst trying to keep the towel covering his body up. Misty sighed.

“Ash, it’s my body – it doesn’t matter if you drop the towel.” Ash grinned bashfully, and sat down on the edge of the bed to vigorously towel dry his hair. “Noooooo,” Misty wailed. “You’ll give me split ends!”

“You do it then!” snapped back Ash, throwing the towel and hairbrush at Misty.

“Fine I will,” she replied, crawling over the bed towards him, and starting work on the hair.

From a distance, Tracey stood watching them fondly, with a blush over the bridge of his nose. They looked so cute, and… hot. Um.

Well, Tracey thought, I haven’t exactly seen many naked women, and I won’t be getting any in Heaven, and Brock is asleep, so I may as well enjoy the view, and try to forget that it’s really Ash in there…

Tracey jumped as he felt warm fingers trail down the side of his face, and he whirled around to be confronted by a shadowy, female figure.

“C-Catalia?” he stuttered, questioningly. The woman laughed, a sound like a bell, and she stepped out of the makeshift shadow. She looked of Chinese ethnic, and sported a pair of red wings – the difference between hers and Catalia’s being that hers were long enough to sweep the floor. She had short black hair, and wore a white dress that ended severely at her knees.

“Close. I am Catisha. I’m a - ah, higher ranking Fate Angel…”

“I thought Catalia was the only Fate An-“

“You were wrong,” Catisha interrupted, before linking her arm with his, making him sweatdrop profusely. “She’s very pretty isn’t she? She’d be the perfect girlfriend…” Tracey nodded.

-+-

“Well, what a surprise to see you two together,” came a familiar, sneering voice from above, and both Ash and Misty looked up in dread. Gary Oak slid into the restaurant booth next to Ash, who recoiled backwards in repulsion.

“Hello Gary,” murmured Misty, quickly uncrossing her legs as she realised what she had been doing. Gary ignored her.

“Well Misty,” he crooned in his nasal voice, leaning in closer to a horrified Ash. “Seems you’ve grown quite the little figure…” Ash squeaked a reply. “How about a walk on the terrace?” Gary enquired.

“I er, I mean I, um, I… why not..?” Ash sighed in resignation.

“Come on then,” Gary said, standing up and extending his arm to Ash, who hesitantly latched on to it. “See ya later, Ashy-boy,” he sneeringly directed at Misty.

“You too, Gary-girl,” Misty replied coolly, with a friendly smile, as Gary blinked and Ash smothered a giggle.

“So, why are you talking to His Loserness again?” Gary sniggered as soon as the two were alone on the moonlit terrace. Ash grunted.

“Ash is not a loser! He’s wonderful, talented, funny, smart and GREAT in bed- so I’ve heard,” Ash retorted in defence.

“Heard from who!?” laughed Gary. “I doubt the only girl who’s been in Ketchum’s bed is you – when you used to stay at the house in Pallet!” Ash growled to himself. “But enough about Ash’s bed…” Gary said, suddenly coming to a stop. “How would you like to see mine?”

Before Ash could make a move, Gary’s lips pressed down roughly on his, awakening a whole new level of nausea. Damn girly arms, Ash panicked, as he tried unsuccessfully to get the newly appointed Viridian GymLeader off him.

He saw Misty coming towards them, with a look of disgust on ‘his’ face. Misty pulled Gary roughly off Ash, and threw him to the ground.

“Misty!” she commanded, and Ash looked up, panting for breath and wanting to retch. “Go and brush your teeth until you run out of toothpaste!” Ash nodded and practically ran off. Gary staggered to his feet.

“Jesus Ketchum, what’s your problem?” he spat menacingly. Misty stopped for a second.

“I just… don’t like you kissing her!” Gary raised his eyebrow, and one of the sides of his mouth curled upwards in a grin.

“I get it! It’s a secret, sordid love affair! Well come tomorrow, it won’t be so secret!” Misty stared at him in disgust, then turned to walk away.

Brock sighed; oh well, this could only help them. He wasn’t so worried about Ash and Misty as such – he was more worried about the fact that he couldn’t find Tracey. Anywhere.