Chapter 5- Backstage in Bangkok

The Puffmobile hovered (yes, it can fly) above Bangcock...err Bangkok, Thailand, landing nearby the Magrabbadaboysass Colloseum, where the Palletstreet Boys were hosting their first concert.
“I HAVE ZE CONCERT PROGRAM IN MY HANDS, GIRLSS!!!” Jigglypuff groaned.
“Who’s opening for the boyband, Jigglypuff?” Misty asked.
“LET’S SEEE...HMM...ZE SPICE GIRLS?!”
Jessie inquired, “I thought they were washed up since they lost their fifth member...”
Melody gabbed, “They are washed up!  Why do you think they’re opening for a newbie boyband?!”
Sabrina psychically linked to them and said, “Girls, since we’re in Thailand, we have to disquise ourselves or we may end up getting assigned to a pimp, or getting forcibly married to a child-molesting geezer!!!”
“Right!” Misty affirmed, “Jessie, Duplica!!!  You two have expertise on disquises!!!  Whaddya have?!”
Duplica groaned, “Sorry, Mist.  I didn’t bring my complete wardrobe...”
Jessie sighed, “Not much.  Since James went crazy and left, he took most of the disquises, especially the dresses!!!  All I have left is...”

“DIPSY!!!” Jessie exclaimed, “This wasn’t such a good idea!!!  We're actually turning them on!!!”
“LA-LA!!!  Aiee!!!  This plan sucks, Jessie!!!” yelled Melody.
“PO!!!  Yikes!!!  Instead of attracting American tourist pedophiles, we’re attracting the Thailandese!!!” Duplica shouted.
“TINKLY-WINKLY...Aaahh!!!  Don’t pinch me there!!!” Sabrina groaned.
“ERR...PHIL!!!” Misty gulped as she and the girls dashed towards the Colloseum’s backstage wearing Teletubby suits, chased by tons of young boys and naked Buddhist monks.
A teenage boy yelled,“MY POPPA THINKS YOOR ONE HOTT PIECE OF ASS, DIPSY!!!  WORK THAT BOOTY!!!”  while one of the naked Buddhist monks yelled,“LA-LA!!!  COME HERE AND FONDLE MY "LITTLE BUDDHA"!!!  A-CHA-CHA-CHA-CHA!!!”
Jigglypuff squirmed inside Tinkly-Winkly’s purse and groaned, “REMIND ME TO BUY AN EXPLOSIVE ARROW FOR ZE AUTHOR!!!”

We interrupt the Palletstreet Boys for an important newsflash!!!  In Sailor Moon world, a new evil has arisen!!!....damn it!

“Good day!!!  It appears the end of the world is near!!!  Some weird little pink-haired girl wearing very skimpy clothing, a flying horse, and a strange purple dinosaur has destroyed half of Tokyo!!!  We go to our correspondent on the scene, Richard Dickless!!!

“DICK DICKLESS HERE!!!  It appears the girl called Rini, and the dinosaur called Barney are going on what appears to be a hugging rampage!!!  Pegasus is feeding on a trough of Mexican beans and is destroying buildings with atomic farts along the way!!!

Pegasus is eating beans, farting and blowing up buildings and babbling, “A HORSE IS A HORSE, OF COURSE, OF COURSE!!!  AWW, WILBUR!!!  WHY’D YA KICK ME OUT FOR HUMPING THE SHEEP?! ”  Rini and Barney hugged to death the police, secret agents, James Bond (he finally dies), and several soldiers from the national guard.  The only ones that can stop them are the Sailor Scouts!!!  Or can they???!!!   They arrive on the scene!!!

“SAILOR MERCURY!!!...SAILOR MARS!!!...SAILOR JUPITER, damn it Tom, stop trying to rip off my skirt!!!...SAILOR VENUS!!!...SAILOR NEPTUNE!!!...SAILOR SATURN...SAILOR URANUS gawd, I hate my name...SAILOR PLUTO!!!...SAILOR SUN!!!...SAILOR NEBULA!!!...SAILOR BLACKHOLE!!! (a black Sailor Scout?)...SAILOR ALPHACENTAURI!!!...I think that’s all of them...”

The oh-so-sexy Sailor Mars scratches her head, “Dammit, Serena didn’t show!!!  WATCH OUT!!!  BARNEY’S HEADED THIS WAY!!!”
“OOOOHHHHH, COME GIVE BIG DADDY A KISS!!!  UH-HOHO!!!  SMOOCH-SMOOCH!!!”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

We now return you to the Palletstreet Boys!!!  I'm terrified beyond my goddamn mind!!!

Ash, Brock, Tracey, Richie, and Gary were in another room backstage with Joe, exhausted after racing past the little boys and the older men blocking the way to the backstage.
Ash huffed and puffed, “Gee, those little boys and their parents seem to be enjoying this...”
Brock replied, “Uhh, Ash...those older guys with the little boys don’t have what you would call a father/son relationship...”
Ever the dense one, Ash asked, “Well, what other kind of relationship would they have?”
Tracey quickly responded, “Umm, Ash I don’t know how to tell you this, but...we’re in Thailand, land of sexual exploitation.  You know how you and Misty like your hickey sessions?!”
“Yeah?!”Ash said dreamily.
“Well, let’s just say daddy and son are like Michael Jackson and Macaulay Culkin...”
Ash, still clueless, said, “They’re both white?!”
Brock yelled like a maniac, “NO, YOU 24-KARAT MORON!!!  THEY PUMP EACH OTHER UP THE POOPHOLE!!!  WE’RE IN THE MOLESTER CAPITAL OF THE WORLD!!!  WHY DO YOU THINK MICHAEL JACKSON LIKED TO TOUR THIS COUNTRY!!!  HE WAS LOOKING FOR HOT, SWEATY YOUNG BOYS AND CHIMPANZEES TO PLAY WITH!!!  Hey waitaminit.  Who set up this tour?!”
Tracey sweatdropped, “Umm...well you see...George Michael forced me to!  Waaahh!!!  He said he would haunt me with gay wet dreams if I didn’t...”
Gary yelled, “You dork!!!  I thought you were gay already?!”
“I AM NOT GAY!!!  WHAT?!  YOU THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE I’M NOT ALL OVER EVERY CHICK LIKE BROCK AND THINK PROFESSOR OAK IS DA BOMB, AND WEAR A PINK HEADBAND, YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME GAY!!!  CHECK OUT THESE SKETCHBOOKS!!!”

The boys were each thrown a sketchbook filled with lots of naughty drawings of Officer Jenny, Nurse Joy, Charlie’s Angels, and countless other women.
“Dude, you are so hentai...” Richie said, blushing heavier with every page he turned.
Brock made his girl-face and looked goofier as he continued, “That’s the Jenny from Cinnabar...”
“Gee, I gotta hang out with this guy more,” Gary said as he flipped the pages, “Hey, those are my ex-cheerleaders!!!”
Ash blushed while looking at the naked chicks, “Wow, I’ve never seen stuff like this...hey what’s this?”  Ash came to a glowing, radioactive page titled, “Ashkama Mistisutra: 1001 Ancient Orange Island Lovemaking Secrets?!  starring Ash and Misty?!  What the...???...!!!...???...!!!"(A/N use your imagination at your own risk!!!)  His body couldn't take the massive overload of hormones and...
“WWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....!...(crashes to the ground anime-style)”
Ash passed out on the ground with a MAJOR nosebleed.
“Aww, Ash!!!  You bled all over my honeymoon fantasy drawings!!!  That was gonna be your wedding present!!!” Tracey yelled.
“I think you killed him,” Richie said, looking over to see Ash staring into space drooling.
Gary thought to himself, “This is great.  If Ashy’s outta the picture, I can take over the boyband!!!”
Brock, ever the voice of reason, saw the hordes of gay men and boys and said,“GUYS, IF WE DON’T FIND A WAY TO GET OUT OF THAILAND, WE’RE GONNA GO BACK HOME WITH A CASE OF SNORLAX-SIZED HEMMORHOIDS!!!”

The girls secretly snuck backstage and beat up the real Spice Girls and mailed ‘em back to their old pimp in Britain, Sir F!@#alot.  They quickly put on their concert getups, but soon noticed an embarrassing flaw.
“GEE, WE’RE PRACTICALLY WEARING NOTHING!!!” Misty said, scratching her head.
Strangely enough, Jessie said, “Oh, you’ll get used to it...”
Duplica said, “Misty, it’s almost like what you usually wear, except lesser!”
“Ash’ll definitely pick me over Misty, heh heh” Melody thought to herself.
Sabrina all of a sudden noticed the curtain opening and the emcee hyping up the crowd.

“ALRIGHT, LADIES, GENTLEMEN, AND FAGGOTS!!!  OPENING FOR THE HOTTEST BOYBAND AROUND, THE ONE, THE ONLY, TEMPORARILY LEGENDARY...THE SPICE GIRLS!!!

Misty and the girls rushed on stage after the obligatory special effects.  She quickly gave them names.
“I’M...ummm...WATER SPICE!!!  Jessie, you’re UHH...PISSY SPICE!!!  Duplica, you’ll be IMITATION SPICE!!!”  Sabrina...err...PSYCHO SPICE!!!  And Melody YOU’RE...ISLANDFLOOZE SPICE!!!”
“PISSY SPICE??!!!” Jessie thundered.
“ISLANDFLOOZE SPICE???!!!” Melody growled.
“Sorry, my girlband!  HAH!” Misty said as she jumped on centerstage.
“GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!"