Chapter 3- Anime Woes

Rambo-like music is playing in the background.  A scared Misty looks on as Jigglypuff draws an explosive arrow.  Without warning, Jigglypuff let the arrow fly, blowing up a house near the academy.

KKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!

Misty yelled in horror,“JIGGLYPUFF!!!  What are you doing?!  We’re supposed to save Ash, not kill him!!!”
“STOOPEED GIRL!!!  I’M NOTT GOING TO KEEL HEEM!!!  THAT WAS THE HOME OF N’SYNC!!!  DIE LANCE BASS, DIIIEEEE!!!!  YOU SUCKED ON 7TH HEAVEN!!!
“Oh...okay, cool!  I’ll go find Ash!!!” Misty cheered as she jumped in the Puffmobile.
“TAKE ZE PUFFMOBILE, MEESTY!!!  IT’S SO SIMPLE TO DRIVE, EEVEN A 14-YEAR OLD LIKE YOURSELF CAN DRIVE EET!!!  EET IS ARMED WITH (early chorus of “Twelve Days of Christmas):

FIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE MORTAR SHELLS!!!!
FOUR HOMING MISSILES,
THREE GATLING GUNS,
TWO LASER CANNONS,
AND A ROCKET LAUNCHER IN THE BACKSEEEEAT!!!!

Misty unleashed a major sweatdrop, as she noticed Jigglypuff was singing and growing more insane as the action heated up.  She sped off in the heavily-armored Puffmobile, praying she would find Ash in one piece.
All she heard in the distance was Jigglypuff yell, "I GOT YERR "BYE BYE BYE" RIGHT HEERRE, WUSSIES!!!   HAAAA!!!”

We interrupt THE PALLETSTREET BOYS for an update from Jessie and James of Team Rocket as to what the hell happened to the Pokemon anime after Ash and crew left!

James winced, “Oooooh...it’s been awful, people!!!  Ratings have tanked to the ground and if we don’t do anything soon, the show will be cancelled and join the ranks of Grape Ape, Spiderman and Friends, Chilly Willy, The Justice League, and Popeye in the pit of syndication!!!”
Jessie interjected, “Umm, James?!  I’ve never heard of those cartoons?!”
“EXACTLY!!!!!!” James screeched in a fit of mad rage, clutching his head.
“James, before I have to drag you to the Betty Ford clinic, do you know where Meowth is?!” she asked.

Elsewhere, on some beat-up set in Hollywood, Meowth is standing next to a phone on one side of a wall.  High in the sky somewhere, some fat guy and his business buddies are about to jump out of stunt plane.  Meowth dials a phone, causing the fat guy’s cellphone to ring.
“Don’t answer it, Jim!!!” his fat lady friend said.  Jim, the fat, retarded, overpayed schlub that he is, answers the phone anyway, fully knowing who the hell it is.
“IT’S BAXTER!!!,” the fat guy yells as his friends push him out of the plane and plunges to his blubbery death.

Meowth sings(Meow Mix jingle),

MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW, MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW!!!

“SSOOONNNNN OF A GODDAAAMMMNN, BIIITCH, IT’S BAXTER!!!!!!  HAAAAAAA!!!”..........splat.........plurp!
“I feels like such a prostitute,” Meowth sighed.

“And what about Pikachu and Togepi?!” Jessie asked James.
“You don’t wanna know,” James said with a tone of fear.

Two sets away from Meowth’s Meow Mix commercial, the latest episode of CardCaptor Sakura was being shot.  Sakura was holding Togepi close, which was written into the script as a magical baby Clow Card that hasn’t fully matured yet, and Pikachu played Kiro's stunt double.  Go figure.  All of them had chased the latest Clow Card, which has yet to be identified by Sakura, into a men’s restroom.  Dudes were still taking leaks as Sakura and Li chased the latest gaseous card into one of the toilets.
“Toge toge, toge ppprrrriiii!!!! (I miss Misty!!!  She had big, comfy boobs to sleep on!!!  This girl’s so flat, you can host the Nascar on her chest!!!)”
“EWWW, GROOSSSS!!!!” Sakura said as she held her nose attempting to identify the card.
“Sakura, you bloomin’ fool, you blithering, useless, flat-chested dingbat of a Cardcaptor!!!” Li yelled, “What’s the name of the card??!!”
PPPPHHHHHHHFFFFFFFFRRRRRTTTTTTT!!!
“IT’S...IT’S THE FART CARD!!!” she yelled with enthusiasm, “Kiro, go in the toilet and see if you can distract it!!!”
The director yelled, “CUT!!!  Mr. P.K. Chu, is that it?  Get in there and do as we rehearsed!!!”
“Pikapi-pi pika kapi pika!!! (It could be worse.  I could’ve starred in the next Digimon movie...)”

We now return to the dumb saga, The Palletstreet Boys!!!

Misty finally arrived at the boyband academy, breaking into the room where Ash and friends were attending class with Joe of NKOTB.  She popped out of the Puffmobile and yelled out, “Ash, it’s me, Misty!!!”
“Misty?!  What are you doing here???”
“I came to bring you back home.  I’m... I’m sorry I said what I said to you.  I still want to be with you!!!”
Ash didn’t know what to say except what he was programmed to say, “The baby is not mine?!”
Joe exclaimed, “Excellent!!!  Your ex-boyfriend learns fast.  His brainwashing went rather well!!!”
“I didn’t know he had a brain to wash in the first place,” she muttered under her breath.
“As you see dear, he is no longer under your romantic spell, little girl.  I guess you should thank my friend, BRITNEY SPEARS!!! (A/N Don’t ask me how she got into this fic so quickly.  Hoes come at the snap of a finger, I guess...)”
Joe snapped his fingers and Britney came out of nowhere, wearing the skin-like dress she wore in that infamous ho concert she held.
“IT IS I, BRITNEY SPEARS!!!  PREPARE TO BE AMAZED, AS YOUR LITTLE FRIEND ASH SHALL SUFFER THE SAME FATE AS JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE!!!”
Misty gasped and shuddered, “You mean...oh no...”
“YES!!!  I GONNA SSSSSSSSSSSUCK THE LOVE JUICE OUT OF HIS BODY UNTIL HE’S DRY!!!  HHHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!”
A flared-up Misty yelled, “GRRR, ALRIGHT, INFLATO-CHEST!!!  IF YOU WANT HIS BODY, YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO COME THROUGH ME!!!”
A pissed-off Britney growls,“GRRR...MY BREASTS ARE REAL, YOU SKANKY TRASH!!!”
“YEAH, ABOUT AS REAL AS GARY’S EYEBROWS!!!”

Gary facefaulted and fondled his eyebrows, “Huh?!  How did Misty know?!”
“Umm, I must’ve blabbed about it during our last hickey session,” Ash muttered right before he was knocked out by a swing of Britney’s fake tit.
SMACK!!!
“ASH, NO!!!” Misty cried out as she readied her fists, “OKAY, YOU PIMPLESS HO!!  PREPARE TO FACE THE FIST OF THE MIST!!!” (insert any Dragonball Z background fighting music here)

Back in Goku’s dimension, all of the Z warriors are facing off against the ultimate enemy, Doublerfriezacellcoldicetea.  Each of them, even Krillin, is at a power level of 1 gajillion and are about to fight Doublerfriezacellcoldicetea, until Goku notices something, “Hey, what the hell happened to the %$#&ing fighting music!!!  Aww, crap!!!  Guess it’s time to do that Heineken commercial Chichi told me about.”