Above the planet, a Team Rocket satellite launches several probes, each speeding towards the atmosphere.  One of them lands in Siberia, pounding into the snow, opening it robotic eye and blurting robot speak.
“MOKLEPO OKEIAL KABWER KIMOMO..KABUBU!!!”

Jessie and Jigglypuff look out from the hangar area of the base, awaiting the arrival of Pikachu and Togepi.  Brock had sent a transmission earlier that he was going to stay in New York a little more to train more in the pimpdaddy arts.  A young Pimpawan like Brock couldn't refuse the tutelage of the ultimate pimp, Huggie Bear.
“Gee, how did the twerps afford this place, Jigglypuff?!” Jessie asked.
“Jig-jig-jigglypuff-puff (That’s a dumb question.  Have you ever played Pokemon?  You get money out your a$$)”
“Oh, yeah...hey look!!!  Pikachu and Togepi are back!!!”
“Pika-pika PIKA PIKA PIKA!!! (Jessie, Jigglypuff!!!  WE’RE ALIVE!!!  WE’RE ALIVE!!!  WE’RE ALIVE!!!)”
“Toge-togeprii!!!! (Where’s Mommy!!!)”
The four walked back down to the underground of the base, heading towards Ash and Misty’s sleeping quarters.
“Jigg-jigg-jiggly? (You two look awful!  Was working on Cardcaptor Sakura that bad?!)”
Pikachu clutched Jigglypuff by the fur and started ranting like a madman err...madpokemon, “PPIKA-PI-KAPI PIKA CHU PIKA!!! (CARDCAPTORS IS EVIL, MAN!!!  EEEEEVIL!!!  THEY MADE ME JUMP IN DOO-DOO!!!  LI SYAORAN TRIED TO MOLEST ME!!!  KIRO BEROS IS ON REHAB FOR SMOKING PEZ!!!  AAAHHHH!!!!”
“Puff-puff-jiggly-poo...(I knew those dudes were freaky...)”
Togepi chimed in, waving his arms and ranting, “TOGE-TOGE PRI-BOOBS!!! (SAKURA HAD NO TITS!!!  I KEPT SLIPPING OFF HER CHEST!!!  SAKURA AVALON IS A MAN, BABY!!!  I WANT MOMMY'S BOOBS!!!)
“Jiggly-jiggly-jigglejiggle(That’s tough!  I remember when Misty carried me!!!  She does have a comfy rack!!!)”
Jessie, feeling left out of the conversation, whispered, “Shut up all of you!!!  We’re close to their bedrooms.  Let’s surprise them!”  They crept silently towards their rooms, but Misty wasn’t in her room.  Giggling and odd noises were coming from Ash’s room, which was right next door.

“Gosh, Misty!  Lift your legs up more!!!”
“I can’t lift them any higher, Ash!!!  Try putting your arms around them!!!”
“Hey, stop that!!!  Your hair tickles!!!  Stop moving it around so I can put my head in!!!”
“Waitaminit!!!  There...stick it in, fast!!!”
“It’s in!!!  I’ve scored!!!  How does that feel?!”
“Yeah...it feels great...awwww...”
“Am I doing okay, Misty?!  It’s my first time doing this!”
“Don’t worry!  It’s as natural as breathing!  Ash, pull your head out!!!  You’re brushing me up against the lips!!!”
“What color is your butt at?”
“Pink!!!  If you push me any more, you’ll hit red!!!”
“Oh, no!!!  That’ll be painful!!!  Why not just move your head down to my waist to make it feel better!!!”
“Okay.  Wow, you look really big from here!!!  It’s cute!!!”

Jessie, Jigglypuff, Pikachu, and Togepi’s jaws dropped to the ground, their minds were filled with very disturbing, perverted images.
“HOW, COULD THEY???!!!  THEY AREN’T EVEN OUT OF THEIR PUBES!!!  DAMN THAT TRACEY AND HIS HENTAI SKETCHBOOKS!!!”
“PIKAPI-PIKA!!! (I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN IF I WAS GONE!!!)
“TOGE-PRI-TOGE-PRI!!! (DAMMIT, MOM’S GONNA GET KNOCKED UP!!!)”
“JIGGLYPUFF-PUFF!!! (LET’S HOPE WE’RE NOT TOO LATE!!!  CHARGE!!!)”
They all busted in and Jessie covered her eyes and blurted out.
“ASH, MISTY!!!  HOW COULD YOU?!  You’re supposed to set an example for children and young adults everywhere on the importance of childhood innocence, friendship and purity!!!  HOW COULD YOU GIVE IN TO YOUR PETTY CARNAL PLEASURES, YOOOUUUUU???!!!  Huh?!”
Ash answered, “Umm...we were just playing Twister, Jessie.”
Misty pulled her head out, “Yeah, wanna join us?!”
“Jiggly-jigglypuff-poo (Just what this fic needs, a threesome...)”

Ash and Misty couldn’t keep their positions on the Twister pad anymore and fell, but happily, “PIKACHU, YOU’RE BACK!!!  Come here, little buddy!!!”
“PIKAPI-PIKACHA!!! (ASH, I MISSED YOU, YOU BOOB!!!)”
Misty held her arms out, “TOGEPI!!!”
“TOGE-TOGEBRIIEE!!! (MOMMY!!!  I MISSED YOUR BOOBS!!!)”
The two trainers and their pokemon embraced in a heartfelt moment, but quickly turned back to serious business.
“Jessie,” Ash said, “We’ve tracked down James.  He should be down in Edo, Japan, vacationing.”
Jessie started to cry, “Thanks, the both of you!!!  I thought we’d never track down James, but what about Meowth!”
Misty answered, “Oh, that’s easy!!!  The Meow Mix Corporate HQ was bombed by crazed, fat businessmen in gorrila suits who said they were driven mad by Baxter and his annoying jingle.  Since Meowth is out of a job, he should be returning real soon.”
“This is great, you two...but...all of this seems too perfect, “Jessie pondered, “ ...a good fanfic should have some kind of conflict to resolve.”
Everyone went, “Yeah...”

“POKE BASE!!!  CODE RED!!!  24 VERY, VERY, VERY LARGE FOREIGN VEHICLES APPROACHING!!!  COMMANDER KETCHUM AND PRINCESS MISTY REPORT TO WAR ROOM IMMEDIATELY!!!”
Jessie looked at Misty, “Princess Misty?!...”
“Uhh, well I had to give the Rebels an official title, heh heh...” Misty sweatdropped.
They all ran to the war room, and Ash flipped out a pair of very high-tech binoculars, “WAAAHH!!! Team Rocket Imperial Walkers!!!  We’re dead meat!!!”
All of a sudden, a quick transmission came from one of the walkers, “Hi, my name's Mondo!!!  Is Jessie there?!”
Jessie pushed Ash out of the way, "Mondo, what are you doing!!!"
"This is what ya get for not going out with me!!!  What's that anime excuse for RuPaul, James got that I haven't got?!"
"Mondo, it wouldn't've worked out between us!!!  You act even gayer than James!!!  I don't go out with guys who build strange little shrines and play with Sailor Moon dolls!!!  Besides, with James, I don't have to worry about a lack of good pumps!!!"
Mondo got pissed off and whined, "Aww man!!!  That's it!!!  I'm gonna blast all of you, including that loser Ash!!!"
Ash quickly sent one back, “Loser!!  Hah!!!  I’ll show you!!!  We’re gonna beat your Imperial Walkers with...umm...whatta we got?!” he asked to one of the sub-commanders.
“Umm...dinky little spacecruisers armed with gay, underpowered lasers and little cables attached with huge suction cups...”
A dim, broken light bulb appeared over Ash's head, “YEAH!!! WE’RE GONNA...TRIP ‘EM TO DEATH!!!  COME ON, GUYS!!!”
“uHH...OkaY ComManDeR!!!” his soldiers said with their knees trembling.
Jessie wondered ominously, “I wonder what James is doing?”

Elsewhere, back in Edo, in a luxury highrise hotel...

“Oh Jessie, I...I wish you were here.  IT REALLY IS LONELY AT THE TOP!!!”
Puff Daddy had just finished beating up one of his bodyguards, “JIM SHADY!!!  I’VE ARRANGED THAT RAP VIDEO DUET YOU WANTED WITH MISSY “MISDEMEANOR” ELLIOT!!!  SHE’S COMING AS WE SPEAK!!!”
“But Puffy, I never asked for a duet with Missy Elliot!”
“WELL, YOU’RE GETTING IT!!!  OR DO YOU WANNA TAKE IT UP WITH MUFFIN???!!!”
Puff Daddy pressed a button, and a piece of the wall peeled away, revealing a very tall, fat, extremely muscular black dude.  He only went by the name “Muffin”.
“Umm, okay Puffy...” James trembled.
Puff Daddy and Muffin started shakin’ in fear, gave James a plate of food, and hid behind a couch,“ JaMEs!!!  YoU HavE To PREsenT tHe CuliNarY OffErinG To ThaT CraZy Fat BitCH, MiSsy EllIoT!!!  EeeeEK!!!”
Missy Elliot crashed into the door, sounding like Jabba the Hutt, “MOCHEBO AKFU ASKACHU-BI, MAFASA!!! (WHO HAVE CULINARY OFFERING? WHOOOO!!!!!!!!)
James quivered at the size of the fat, black chick and showed her the plate, “Umm...food?!”
“AKFU!!! (FOOD!!!)”
Missy Elliot quickly grabbed the plate of food from James’s hands and gobbled it down in one gulp, “Mmm...that was delicious.  Hi, I’m Missy “Misdemeanor” Elliot.  I start sounding like Jabba the Hutt and start going into hunger trances if I don’t eat anything every hour or so.  You must be Jiminem, or Jim Shady!  Ooohh, you’re cute!  I could soak you up in a biscuit and eat you up!!!
“NO!!!”
“PILLSBURY STYLE, BABY!!!”
“EEEEKKK!!!!”
“INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF FATCAKES!!”
“OOOHHHH!!!!”
“BURGER KING SHAOLIN FRY TECHNIQUE!!!  CHOMP!!!”
“JEESSSSSSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!"