Dragonitemare presentsPokemon Crystal seriesEp. 10 PERIL ON THE PARKWAY Ash's friends are packing up their villa ready to leave for Pallet Town. We see Misty, Brock, Togepi (shudder), Justin who was invited to the Ketchum's post tournament party, Mrs. Ketchum, Tracey, and Old Man Oak packing up their suitcases. And God only knows what's in each one. Misty then asks the inevitable question, "How are we getting home?" I guess Pallet Town is her new home now that she has met Ash ...and the same could go for Tracey now that he's found friends of Prof. Oak. Oaky answers that they're all going to pack their suitcases and take a charter bus back to Pallet Town. Misty really likes the idea of taking the bus but then pauses .................... and then wonders where Ash is. We then see Ash andPikachu coming out of his room with totally stuffed suitcases dragging them along the ground. Misty reacts to her apparent boyfriend’s block-headedness saying, "Ash.... when are you going to learn to stop stuffing yourselves?" Guess all that souvenir crap he brought kind of stuck with him...... I guess with Ash it's ..... you live, you learn, you forget what you learn. "Uggghhh.. why.... do I ...... have to have........... all ...... this stuff?", groans Ash as he drags the suitcase. "Pi...... pika ...... pika ....... pi ..... ka....... chu!!!!" moans Pikachu as he struggles to carry his little mini-suitcase. "With that much stuff.... I don't think there will be any room on the bus." states Brock. "Toge-prii", roars Togepi. Ugh.... that Togepi! Mrs. Ketchum then yells to the crew, "Come on Ash.... the buuuss is heeerrre!" and they go outside to get to the bus. <cue intro> We see the twerps board the bus as sitting near the back of the bus (in disguise) is Team Rocket. "Why do we hafta take dis crummy bus?", yells Meowth. Jessie answers in silent anger, "Because.... we have to find some way to get back to that twerp's hometown!" "Don't feel too badly about the bus.", says a cute girl sitting across from them. "My name is Kelly.... and there are many great things to do on these kind of busses." She then goes into detail about all the neat features about this bus that makes TR oooh and ahhh. Some things include the free sodas, ATM machine (on a bus??), and the mini-tv which can play movies. She concludes, "You might not want to leave this bus!" Wobbuffet then pops out as it patiently salutes TR and then Jessie groans and yells at it, "Maybe I should leave you on this bus!", and then she brings it back into the pokeball as it Woooobbuuuuhhhhs. "Maybe we should get out our snacks for the busride!", adds Jessie to which James and Meowth shout a nice loud, "Hurray!", as Kelly giggles along with the "tourists". Jessie then gets up and stretches for the food in the overhead compartment. ..........yeah baby, stretch!. She gets the food and then turns around and sees Ash and Pikachu and then panics as she drops the food. Meowth then tries to ask why she dropped the food but Jessie hushes him before Meowth can get out too many words. "Quiet..... the twerps are on board.", whispers Jessie. "All right", says James who is wearing a hilarious tourist disguise with blue shades, a camera around his neck, and tee shirt with a map of I guess the Johto league on it. And to top it off.... his hair is dyed blonde..... COOOOOOLLLLLLLLLL! he he he. James then adds to his fellow disguised Rocket members, "Now, when Pikachu boards off the bus, we can board it onto our possession.", in his usual gay voice. The others also like the idea. Meanwhile, Team Toyboy is sitting a couple of rows in front of TR where Ash tells Misty about the mysterious woman she saw. "This woman in back of me looked awful familiar.", he says stupifying his remaining brain cells. But a horny Misty calms him down saying, "Don't worry about it Ash, just enjoy the rest of the bus ride...... like Togepi." Oh Togepi's enjoying it all right..... enjoying the message it sent to the pokemon world. Aaarrrrggghhh damnit! Justin.... who is in the seat next to the lovebirds tries to thank Ash for letting him hang out at their place for a little while before he goes off to look for a school. But Ash's attention is drawn to Misty as she continues to hit on Ash. The ignorance of Ash and Misty displeases Justin... but he keeps it bottled up. The bus departs and it starts to move. We pick up our story with everyone on the bus which is boarding the highway. "Hey mom!", asks her crackbaby son, "How long until we make it back to Pallet?" Mrs. Ketchum, who is flirting with Old Man Oak a couple of rows in front of them, tells Ash, "Well son.... it's going to be at least a couple of hours before we make it home. So enjoy the ride." "Hey", yells Brock who is flirting with Tracey in the row in front of Ash and Misty, "It's a beautiful day and a very nice bus ride..... why don't we let some of our pokemon out?" "That's a great idea!" yells Ash. Justin also agrees and lets out one of his pokemon, but unfortunately it's Nidoqueen and it comes out right on Justin lap crushing him (GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA DAMN YOU!). He then calls back Nidoqueen. Misty laughs and suggests, "Um, I think we should only let out our smaller pokemon out.", as Psyduck decides to enjoy the scenic bus ride with a pleasant "Psyyyy" and Misty responds to Psyduck that she gueses that he's all too willing to go along with the idea. And so, the twerps decide to ignore the no pets rule (After all, pokemon are our friends, not our pets, right Ash?) but the bus driver (who looks like he's drugged on some happy pills) doesn't care and he continues to commit his DUI which is a felony in a lot of places. Ash lets out Bulbasaur, Cyndaquil, and Totodile. Tracey lets out Venonat and Azumarill while Justin brings out Raticate and Hoothoot. Brock lets out Geodude and then Pineco but then Brock remembers Pineco's tendency to explode and calls it back. No one would want the bus to blow up... cuz then it would become the movie Speed. Finally, Misty brings out Staryu and thenGoldeen which just flops around back and forth on the bus floor before she calls it back realizing that Goldeen can't come out. So now all of these pokemon have turned the bus into basically a moving jungle and of course none of the other passengers care as long as their kids see the pretty little pokemon. Then, Togepi tries to prove it's invincable by........ alright! it's going to jump out the bus window! Pikachu looks up and sees what's happening and tries to stops the freaky egg thingy. ................ no ............... no ........ no, don't stopit Pikachu!!! Togepi then prepares to leap but................... damn! Bulbasaur brings it back into the bus out of harm's way as Pikachu who tried to save it, smashes it's face into the window. Ah, hell! It was worth rooting for! So then we see Staryu playing around with Azumarill and Totodile as it unleashes its insane energy with it's patented dance. Venonat and Hoothoot have somewhat of a staring contest while Cyndaquil and Raticate play with Geodude and this is all on one bus! Mrs. Ketchum, who gets all charmed over cute pokemon, tells Oaky, "All these pokemon are making the bus come alive. Justin then looks over to Ash again and tries to tell him that he's having a great time already but gets somewhat depressed when he's ignored again as he's paying attention to Pikachu and Bulbasaur. Kelly then gushes to TR about all the cute pokemon that she is seeing and adds, "This ride is going to be better than I thought!" "Those twerps' pokemon ARE better than you think.", whines James as Kelly giggles again. Shifting towards the back of the bus, we see that Team Rocket is kind of bored. "While the twerps get to have all the fun, we still have to work..... and lose.", groans Jessie who is wearing a pink polo shirt, safari shorts, and a visor. Wobbuffet then pops out again to the shock of TR. "Hey, if you're not going to help us, then don't blow our cover", sneers Jessie as it returns to its pokeball. "Lighten up, Jess! It's a long ride..... we could pass the time with a classic sing-along.", states James. "That's a great idea!", proclaimsJessie as Meowth and James start to sing 100 pokeballs in the sack singing way out of tune and annoying everybody's eardrums. Everyone, including most of the pokemon, cover their ears in horror. Except for Totodile, who hilariously enough, is singing and dancing along with TR. Misty then yells that their singing is like sandpaper against a blackboard. Ash then retorts her (for flirting purposes) stating, "Well that's what your yelling is like!", as Misty shouts even louder after Ash's diss. Old Man Oak tries his darndest to cover his ears; Brock and Tracey do the same as Azumarill's head seems to want to explode thanks to it's ultra-sensitive hearing Jessie then yells at them to quiet down yelling that, "You're just making this annoying bus ride annoying!" Wobbuffet decides then to pop out for a third time yelling loud and clear,"WWWWWWOOOOOOOOBBBBBBUUUUUUHHHHHHH", to TR's shock. Jessie calls it back once more and growls, "Speaking of annoying!" Team Twerp see Wobbuffet pop out but no one can put 2 and 2 together to realize that it's TR even though Jessie's hair looks no different. We could understand Ash not recognizing cuz he's the dumbest moron in the world of pokemon. We can understand Oaky and Mrs. Ketchum not recognizing because they can't identify a TR disguise. We can understand Brock and Tracey because Brock and Tracey have their eyes in his dirty sketches. But we can't understand how Misty couldn't recognize TR........ it's probablyTogepi's leeching that took away some of her memory. TR then squats back down and Jessie mutters, "Uggggghhhhh, let's just get down to business...... now James, how are you going to capture that Pikachu?" "Well Jess, I'll take a picture of Pikachu with this phony camera and the flash will blind the twerps' eyes. Then all we have to do is grab Pikachu and escape!" Jessie and Meowth like his plan and Meowth whispers, "Heh, that'll be somethin for dose twoips to pictcha." Jessie tells Meowth and James excitedly, "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's get going." James then interrupts, "Ugh.... let's do this in a few minutes.", when Jessie asks why he complains, "I really have to use the bathroom!", making Jessie and Meowth fall over. So James heads towards the back of the bus where the bathroom is while Meowth whispers to Jessie, "Did you tell him dat one of dose twoips is already in da bathroom?" She responds, "No, why?" And then...................... oh God!!!!! .......................... we hear a scream and an eeeeeeee! from the back of the bus as someone is stillfinishing up going to the bathroom though the pervert left the door unlocked. James opens the door and drops his jaw at the sight. "I'm so sorry sir.... here, you can use the bathroom now.", says a spooked Justin knowing that a guy has just seen his special no-no place. I guess perhaps James may not just be going to the bathroom in there now. When Justin gets back to his seat (pervert)..... ahem, he tries to tell Tracey and Brock (people with much more intelligence than Ash) that the guy he just passed looked awfully familiar proving that he's no genius either (although he isn't retarded like Ash). But they're too busy paying attention to the dirty sketches to notice Justin speaking to them so Justin then just looks out the window not noticing Psyduck right next to him. "You know, I'm thinking about as much as you these days.", says Justin towards Psyduck even though it probably doesn't understand English that well as Psyduck Psyduck's in response. James then comes back from the bathroom with Jessie shouting, "It's about time." James responds, "I had to wait for that twerp to finish", which means he had to get him out of his mind before he could pee. "Oh well who cares", snaps Jessie, "Let's get our plan into action!" James and Meowth agree to begin now. <cue commercial> Who's that pokemon??? ............... It's Articuno....... "Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrr" Ash looks adoringly at Pikachu as it enjoys the scenery out the window with Bulbasaur, Cyndaquil, and the evil Togepi. "Great bus ride ain't it Pikachu?" asks Ash. "Pikachu", confirms as Bulbasaur adds, "Bulbasaur (yes.... Togepi is my master)" Togepi then roars, "Toge-prii", as Cyndaquil can only get in a "Cynda". Our wonderful group of tourists then approach Ash and Misty and Jessie asks them if they could take a picture of Pikachu and the other pokemon. Ash, who couldn't find a haystack in a needle factory, says that it's okay for them to snap a picture of them and and their pokemon. So everyone gathers their pokemon on the moving bus together for the supposed photo-op. "Okay.... now everone say 'Pika!!'", shouts Jessie. James quietly snickers to himself and then presses the button to take the shot. But oh no........ what's this? It appears that TR's camera flash is so bright that it blinds Team Toyboy (including Justin). In the confusion, TR encases Pikachu in their trademark shockproof case and Ash sees them near the back of the bus with Pikachu once the crew regains its sight. "Pikachuuuuu!", yells Ash helplessly, "Hey! ..... it's you!", he figures out (since he's a master detective..... you know) with the rest of Team Twerp looking on in anger. "Aha! Prepare for trouble... we've got Pikachu""And make it double.... we got a free ride, too""Give back Pikachu now!", yells the voyeuristic Tracey Sketchit interrupting the motto for no apparent reason."To protect the world from deva.........stAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH" she screams as the bus starts to weave out of control."What's goin' ooooonnnn?!", shouts Meowth. Misty then yells them as all the passengers starts to get tossed around. "That flash from your lousy fake camera blinded the bus driver...... now he can't drive!", yells Misty as she does everything she can to sacrifice herself for the ever stronger Togepi. Then the bus hits a massive pothole which sends everyone up into the air and the driver flying out of his seat conveniently knocking him into unconsciousness. Brock rushes over to the driver whose name is never revealed as Tracey and Prof. Oak follow him. Brock shakes him to try and get him to respond but he is out cold. "This is bad!", yells Brock as Prof. Oak plays doctor and....... ................ Oops.... my bad.... he is a doctor! Anyways..... Oaky tells Tracey and Brock to try and drive the bus together as they try and figure out how to control it. "We have to stop it somehow!", yells Brock. "Let me try the break!", responds Tracey who steps on the break as it begins to slow down. But then another huge pothole is hit and it somehow pops two of the bus's tires to the horror of the voyeuristic one. "Aaaaaahhhhhh! The brakes have been cut!", screams Tracey in horror as everyone starts to panic. Everybody calls back their pokemon as the bus bumps back and forth along the potholes. Hmmm..... they must be riding with Firestone tires! All of the pokemon return including Totodile who is still doing its insane jig as it is sent moving back and forth before it returns to its pokeball. .................. love dat Totodile. Even when a crisis is unfolding, it's still insane enough to keep dancing. God bless him. Team Rocket is also panicking at the turn of events as the bus continues to roll on its rims out of control. Oh Good God!......... I've accidentally created the pokemon version of Speed!!! Team Rocket ..... though they aren't as evil as Dennis Hopper ...... are still the so-called villains of this one and they are determined to escape the bus ride from hell with Pikachu and also......... more importantly............. ........................... to become movie stars!!!!!!!!! Oh, wait......... uh, I mean .... to finish their motto. Sorry. Meowth yells, "We gotta get offa dis buuuuuusssssss!" "But how are we going to get off?", complains Jessie as James adds, "We have to finish the motto!" "Da hell wit da motto, we have to save ourselves!!!!!!", yells Meowth at the two shapely figures. Jessie retorts, "Those twerps will stop the bus while we can do our duty!" Make of that what you will...... TR then tries to continue their motto. "To protect the world from de... va...... station""Give me back Pikachu..... now!", demands a bull-headed Ash as he charges at Jessie but Jessie then tosses Pikachu's case to James in a game of crackbaby in the middle."To...... uuuggggghhh...... unite all people within our nation" stutters James as the bus rocks violently back and forth. Where are these roads from???? New York City??! "To ..... denounce ...... the evils ............ of truth...... and love" as Ash trips and falls on his face."To extend....... our reach........ to the stars above!!!""Aahhhh! Jessie""James... uuuggghh!""T... T.... Team Rocket blast off.... at the ....speed of liiiiiiight""Surrender now or ................ or ...... or prepare to fiiiiiiiight""Wobbbbuh!" proclaims the patiently pleased Wobbuffet as the force of the bus pulls him forward. "Soives him right for doing that a third time!", remarks Jessie as she watches Wobbuffet bounce around. Ash by now has gotten up and demands to get back Pikachu as then he and TR scuffle. Meanwhile, onto people that actually may have lives worth saving....... "We've got to get off this thing!", says Togepi through the mouth of Misty in order to avoid it being cracked in a crash. "But how can we possibly get off... this bus isn't slowing down at all!", says a distressed Delia Ketchum. Justin provides an idea saying, "I might have an idea..... I don't know if it will work but we have to try!", yells Justin as he sends out Dragonite through the window and yells at him get everyone off the bus safely. "We're all counting you, Dragonite!", says its trainer as Justin goes in front of the bus door flying with the out of control demon vehicle. "Get us off of here one at a time!", commands Justin as Misty is commanded by Togepi to butt in front of everyone and go first. She hops onto Dragonite who takes her and Togepi to the curb to escape any potential danger to the almighty Togepi..... ugh! "We can't just keep doing this forever!", yells Tracey as Brock retorts back to him, "Let's just keep steering a little longer so Dragonite can get us all off!" Then, Kelly and couple of other passengers (passengers didn't really play any factor at all until now!) come up and claim that they have pokemon that can help get everyone off as well. They send out a Pidgeot (Kelly's Pidgeot), a Fearow, and a Skarmory. They all fly off carrying one passenger at a time to safety. But the bus is still going too fast and it eventually has to crash! ................. right? So Brock and Tracey do their best to control thebus as the remaining passengers patiently wait for the escape jets (pokemon) to return. The bus is out of control and Team Rocket is causing a ruckus in this pokemon version of speed. Where's a hero where you need him? Well.... Keanu Reeves is unavailable ............. but at least we still have ............ ................ Action Hero Ash! Ash is (idiotically) not worrying about getting off the bus. He is trying to get Pikachu back from TR. He tries to charge at Jessie (and who wouldn't?) to get Pikachu back but Jessie throws out Arbok to keep him at bay momentarily. Team Rocket then tries to escape but........ the bus is still moving!!! "Aaaaahhh! We can't get off until this stupid bus stops.", yells Jessie "Come on James.... be a man!" "Eeeeeeeee .............. I can't do it..... I'm scared!" yelps James (he he he) to the disappointment of his TR companions. You read it here James said he couldn't be a man...... heh. While TR turns chicken and Ash fixed on Pikachu but held away by Arbok, and Old Man Oak able to wake the bus driver although he can't do much since there are no brakes, the rest are waiting for the pokemon to rescue them. It looks like they'd be too late until Dragonite shows up and catches up with the bus to help rescue the passengers. One by one..... the pokemon come to the bus and back to rescue everyone on the bus. Dragonite then Pidgeot, then Fearow, then Dragonite decides that since he's so fast he'll cut in line and rescue someone, then Skarmory and the process repeats until there are only a select few left. Tracey and Brock are about to hop off when Brock notices that Ash is still trying to get Pikachu from Team Rocket. Brock yells at Ash to get off not even caring about TR, the cold sonofabitch. But Ash shouts back that he can't go until he gets Pikachu and deals with Team Rocket then assures Brock that he knows what he's doing. .............................. Okay....I guess we can start making funeral arrangements now. So Tracey gets off on Skarmory (the steel is the only thing that can keep it up in the air with all that weight) and Brock goes off on Pidgeot leaving Ash and TR on the bus. Jessie notices that the bus has NO DRIVER <gasp>. So she shouts at James, who is already an avid driver to take the wheel although he still has no license. And then the inevitable finally happens ........ the bus finally veers off the highway and is headed for a forest. Back at the side of the highway, Brock and Tracey arrive on the ground as they reunite with the rest of Team Toyboy including Misty and Mrs. Ketchum's baby's daddy (Prof. Oak). "All right...... I think that's everyone." assumes Kelly until Misty panics and shouts, "Wait..... where's Ash?!" Misty and Kelly then gasp in horror when Brock tells them that Ash didn't get off the bus yet. Kelly then yells at Pidgeot to go rescue Ash and hurry. Pidgeot takes off as Justin suggests that they follow it to the agreement of the other twerps. The driver then tells them to go help their ADD afficted friend as the rest wait for a new bus to finish the trip. Back at the bus..... Ash is still more worried about Pikachu than saving his frickin' life! As Pikachu pika's in fright, the bus appears to be headed for the wall of a cliff. TR, with Pikachu in their special shockproof glass cage, screams as the bus heading straight on into the wall. "James!!!!! Turn the wheel before we're all crunched!" screams Jessie while Wobbuffet wobbuh's in terror. "I'm trying", whines James as he makes a sharp right. The turn was so sharp though... that the bus falls over on its side ripping open the back door of the bus. The bus then hits a huge bump as it spins around which forces Ash violently out of the bus, and smashes the demented little pokemon trainer into a wall of rocks and fallls down unconscious to the horror of Pikachu. The bus still keeps going despite falling over on its side as Meowth, James, Arbok, Wobbuffet, and Jessie (with caged Pikachu in arms) scream in terror as the bus is about to collide and spin into the wall. The bus crashes tossing TR into a pile of bodies as a fire breaks out. Pikachu sees it's best friends in the whole wide world lying helpless on the ground so it tries to shock its way out of the cage inside the fiery inferno. "Poor baby.... everything's up in flames.", sniffs Jessie who feels somewhat bad for Pikachu even though she's the villain. "And so is da gas taaaaaaaaannnnnnkkk", cuts in a shouting Meowth knowing that the fire will make the gas tank explode. We see Jessie, James, Meowth, Wobbuffet, and even Pikachu (after stopping in its attempt to break open the cage) gasp as then................... KABOOM! The bus does indeed explode as Team Rocket is sent blasting off again punctuated by a "Woooobbbbuuuhhh" ......... and even a "Chuuu!"? The camera then shows Ash lying face down unconscious next to the burning bus. The rest of Team Toyboy then shows up the see the fallen pokemon master. Mrs. Ketchum, Brock, and Misty then run over to see if Ash is okay. Justin brings out Gyarados to extinguish the bus fire. Misty stops crying (an emotion not even the powerful Togepi could control) at the site of the half-dead Ash, gets a determined look on her face and calls out Poliwhirl and Staryu to help Gyarados fight the fire. In another area meanwhile, TR land after they were sent sky high in the bus explosion. They were 100 times as far as Ash..... but they're okay! That's because Team Rocket has been in so many dangerous and painful happenings that they are not able to be knocked out or killed by such a dangerous landing unlike Ash. "Your idea was bright", mocks Meowth towards James. "Too bright!", adds Jessie. Meowth then moans, "And dat's why we were BUS-ted." But then they hear a peculiar..... but familiar voice, "Piiiiiii-kaaaaaaa." "What's dat?", asks Meowth. Jessie then notices that the sound is coming from under Jessie's ass (GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA). Jessie then sits up as a bleary-eyed TR notes that it is Pikachu still in the glass jar. "I....... I...... It's Pikachu?!", wonders James. "Wait a minute....", says Jessie, "That means................................ we...... succeeded!" as she gets all blushy. "Oooooh!" oooh's James, "We didn't lose for once!" "Our quest ta finally capture Pikachu has finally paid off... afta all the shocks and bruises", sniffs Meowth as they celebrate their victory loudly as Wobbuffet shares the victory with them. Jessie then asks the others, "Hey.... how should we celebrate?" James then gives the hilarious response, "Let's have a slumber party tonight!", to which the others immediately agree as they yell and cheer themselves. Note: Usually.... slumber parties are held by friends who want to sleep together in separate beds AND DO NOT INVOLVE SEX rocketshipping maniacs.Jessie does not mind this because it may be a chance for cheap piece of ass once James falls asleep. But James came up with the idea so he could gab the night away with girl talk which we know James is really good at. "Oh no", gasps Prof. Oak in the sight of his son. "My babyyyy!", cries Mrs. Ketchum as she gets consoled by Old Man Oak. (As if we needed more proof of their affair.) "Ash is in bad shape..... we have to get him to a hospital fast!", demands Brock. "But exactly how are we going to find the nearest hospital?", asks Justin whom appears to have somewhat lost his sanity at the moment. And as Team Toyboy gathers around their paint-chip bellied, brain-dead, and fearless leader in stunned fashion, we see what could be the end of the era of idiocy. This is because Ash's pokemon journey has been at the very least..... momentarily put on hold. But as one action hero goes away, another equally dodgy (probably more dodgy) main hero will come out of the darkness(or the outskirts of Viridian City) to begin another era........ next episode!!!!!