Ash intently looked down upon his watch once more. Five fifty-five. Barely a minute later than the last time he had studied the rotating hands.

He was close to the spot she had mentioned, the place he knew she loved more than any other in this hectic city. It was just over a mile from the edge of the metropolis, however, the sparse forest and rushing water that flowed to and from the small lake made it seem to the person basking in the sweet atmosphere that they were as far from so-called civilisation as possible. Nature was truly in her element here.

He continued a little further, following the sound of lively water, until the forest thinned even more and the grass underneath his feet gave way to a form of muddy sand. He brought his vision across the mere, studying the gentle crests and troughs of amazingly clear liquid passing over its surface, until his gaze fixed upon a crimson object some ten metres to his left.

She had already arrived.

She was sat upon one of a collection of large, smooth rocks that littered the bank, her eyes cast over the lake as his had been moments before. He couldn’t tell whether she was aware of his presence or had chosen not to acknowledge it, but for the moment he was content to just take in her features and analyse what information they imparted upon him.

She was clothed simply in a long skirt and a fitted, long-sleeved top that was cut along the neck-line in such a way that revealed her collar bone and shoulders. Each item was dark blue, a colour that just seemed to bring emphasis upon her creamy skin and vibrant ginger tresses. He considered her hair further, noticing that it lay a little straighter and the tone was darker than normal. She had been swimming, he guessed, her hair still half damp. She had told him that it was one of the few things that could relax her, being enveloped within a natural body of water, not a pool polluted with chlorine.

Tracing his eyes down to the locks that fell around her face, the colour and shape here a little more natural as they seemed to be fully dry, he came to her porcelain face. Her expression seemed confused and contemplative as if she was mentally searching for something. He brought his glance downwards, resting upon her lips. After a few seconds, he saw them part ever so slightly and begin to form a word.

“It’s so beautiful, isn’t it?” she asked rhetorically, her attention never wavering from the body of water. “The way it moves…so calming, so rhythmic. Almost….hypnotic. When I had to come back here five years ago, this place became like a second home to me. If I had been having trouble at the gym or at school, I would come up here and swim…or sometimes just stare out over it and try to understand…what was happening in my life, where the hell it was going.”

Ash could hear strain in her voice. She was trying to reign control over her tone, attempting to sound emotionless, but he could detect a rising of feelings behind it.

He tentatively approached her as he listened, sitting upon a boulder a little removed from her. He knew that she just needed to talk without any interruptions. He could see the pleading within her eyes, and he was prepared to listen. There had been so many gaps left in the story behind her breakdown (she had attempted to tell him everything, however, it often became too heartbreaking for them both for her to continue) and he wondered if now those missing facts were about to come to light. His begging apology could wait a little while longer.

“I always felt that the lake was a mirror to myself. On the surface it seems so strong and free, that nothing could possibly conquer it…but, in reality, a simple manipulation sends out never ending ripples that change its very being. Every second of every day it is being unwillingly controlled by something else, another entity.” She paused momentarily, finding it difficult to go on. She had been planning these words for hours as she had sat here, and now she just had to recite them as well as she could, hoping that this would help him understand why she had used him that night.

“That’s how I’ve felt most of my life. I am so affected by what other people do and say, as if the path my life is to take has been predestined and I have no way to alter the direction I’m travelling.” She raised her voice a little, anger beginning to seep in. “My parent’s die, my life changes. My sisters win some stupid trip, my life changes. There was no way for me to prevent it.

“I felt so powerless that I finally decided that I had to take control. As soon as my sisters returned, I started travelling with you guys again. At first, I felt that that would help everything, that I could start to veer away from the road my life had been told to go down. But, again, I couldn’t drag my feet away from that path. Everything I did to try to change things…they just ended up blowing up right in my face!” Her hands balled as she channelled all of her rage and pain into them. “I kept losing battles, I got knocked out of the Whirl Cup preliminary rounds twice, I was refused by several universities because of my age and as I hadn’t really had any form of proper education for years. Even cram school didn’t help.” She turned her head to look at him for the first time since he had arrived, feeling a choking sob escape her mouth as she pondered her next words. “Everything I wanted…kept…it kept falling out of my hands.” She took a long shuddering breath, casting her vision over the water once more. “So, I decided that if I couldn’t change things that way, I could maybe change them another.

“I began to control what I did, how much I ate, even the thoughts in my head, pushing away every negative emotion I felt. Every second of the day, I regulated everything. And yet again, any power I had failed.” She firmly shut her eyes, allowing the tears that had collected in her eyes to spill down her cheeks.

Ash watched as the tears rolled down her face and dripped from her chin. He could feel the pain she was experiencing within his own being. He could read every emotion that crossed her features as she relived those events, but felt unable to help her. He had given up his right to comfort her. All he could do was sit and listen.

Wiping the still flowing tears from her face, she continued. “I felt so…useless. That I couldn’t achieve anything. I believed that I was just a waste…that I was…nothing.” The sobs that escaped through her lips became stronger, racking her body with tremors. She could remember every word of self-hate, every dark feeling that had coursed through her being, seeking to dismantle her will entirely. They still terrified her.

“Eventually, I began to think that there was only one way to win back control…one way to stick my finger up at fate!” she spat bitterly. “I tried to kill myself with sleeping pills, by trying to drown myself or cutting my wrists…but it was too hard. When all those options fell through my fingers…I decided to try to starve myself. And for a week I had been able to do it. It seemed that it was the only way I was going to be able to do it. Food was making me sick anyway. I already didn’t want to eat.” She inhaled another lungful of breath, trying to somewhat calm her staggered breathing. “I was on the path to my death, and I though that that was it…until that night.” She lifted her head, once again turning to face him. Although tears still decorated her face, a slight smile tugged upon her lips. “You saved me that night, Ash. If you hadn’t found out what I’d been doing to myself…I would be dead by now. You took my hand and lead me away from my old life, the pain I had been suffering for so many years.”

Ash couldn’t take his eyes from her face. They displayed a confused mix of emotions. Currently, she appeared contented, however, her smile couldn’t hide the still flowing tears and trauma in her features. He gripped his right thigh with his hand, pushing his fingertips painfully into his flesh. He wanted to console her, needed to place his arms around her and pull her into a friendly embrace as he always had in times like this. He forcibly pulled his gaze from her, fighting the ever-growing urge to run over and hold her.

After seeing his face turn from hers, she also altered her view, before continuing. “And these past three years…I’ve been so happy, perhaps even happier than I was those first few years we travelled together. I became Alpha-Omega, I passed my university entrance exams, I had my friends by my side…and I had you. Everything was finally beginning to fall into place in my life.

Her grin finally fell. “But I wanted something more. Despite the fact I had all of my friends around me, I still felt lonely…that there was still something missing in my life. I wanted someone to love me…someone to fall in love with me. I began to become depressed over the fact that every date I had, every guy I was interested in…well, things never went anywhere…despite the fact I know I was sabotaging them.”

Her last few words piqued his curiosity. “Sabotaging them?” he interrupted.

She gave him a look which warned him she would not elaborate. “I’d never felt that form of love, emotionally or physically. When we began to kiss that night…I…I felt what I had never experienced before. Wanted. Desired. I felt for that hour that I was taking control of the part of my life that had always been beyond my reach.” Her voice began to fracture once more. “But…in reality…in reality I had lost control again…and because of that, everything has changed.”

Ash felt his breath escape him at that moment, an unsettled feeling coming over him. “Are you…I mean, we weren’t careful and a-”

“I’m not pregnant,” she quickly told him, hearing the panic in his tone. “I meant that because of what I did, I’ve betrayed you and destroyed our friendship,” she clarified. “All because I couldn’t control myself.”

“But…” He shook his head confusedly, turning to her. “But…Misty, what are you talking about? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Although she could feel his eyes burning into her, she kept her view away from him. She swallowed with difficulty. “I used my best friend for my own selfish needs. Of course that’s wrong,” she told him, her harsh tone reflecting her own self-disgust.

He couldn’t let her continue blaming herself. Why did she always have to do this, own responsibility for everything, even when she hadn’t committed any crime? It was yet another consequence of her often low self-confidence. He shifted along the rocks, moving closer to her. She visibly tensed at his movement, causing him to pause further from her than he desired to. “But Misty, you were depressed and…fragile. I was the one that betrayed you. I knew how you were feeling and I should have stopped what was happening, but I lost control as well. I can’t excuse myself for doing that, for taking advantage of you.”

Her eyes were still trained to the edge of the water. “But you didn’t, Ash. You didn’t take advantage of me. You made love to me. You cared for me, gave me what I wanted and needed. If anyone was taken advantage of, it was you. I took advantage of the fact that you would do anything for anyone, even when they don’t deserve it. I hurt you…I hurt the person I owe my life to.”

“But, Mist, I robbed you of your innocence,” he almost shouted, not understanding, nor believing, the words coming from her mouth.

She shook her head, an allowed a slight smile to cross her features. “Losing my virginity to my best friend? I can live with that. In fact…I’m proud of it. It’s the closest thing to your first time being with someone you love.” And it’s even better when you’re in love with that best friend, she thought. “But I betrayed you.”

“Misty-“

“Ash, no!” she interrupted. “Don’t try to blame yourself for this.“

“But, Mist, it wasn’t your fault!”

“It was!” she told him firmly. “I ruined that dream of yours.”

“Mist-“

“I did!”

His frustration was getting the better of him, and he couldn’t hold back any longer. “No! You didn’t!” he yelled, jumping up from the boulder. Realising the harshness in his tone, he raised his hands to his head, rubbing his temples with his fingers in an attempt to calm down. “You didn’t ruin my dream, Misty,” he muttered without concentrating.

Her head instantly snapped in his direction, his sentence hitting home. Her heart rate began to quicken, her thoughts rushing. What was he saying? “W…wh…what?”

He knew from her expression that she had somewhat understood what his words were insinuating, however, that knowledge was diluted with confusion, non-belief and fear. He could see no way to disguise those words, and to a great extent, he didn’t even wish to try. He had secretly wished for years for this to happen, to be in a position he couldn’t back away from admitting everything to her. He knew it would be the only circumstance with which he could finally tell her the feelings he had been repressing. He walked over to her and raised his hand to her chin, cupping it gently, making sure she couldn’t take her eyes from his. “You didn’t ruin my dream, Mist. That night…I achieved it.”

Her mouth fell opened a little, as if she was attempting to utter something, but her voice failed her. She just stared at him, no other emotion displayed that he could decipher save complete shock. But he needed to continue. The damage was already done. Now he needed to explain himself to her, as she had done previously.

Fighting the urge, but succumbing to it, he began to tenderly stroke her cheek, closing his eyes against the wondrous feeling it brought him. “Misty, that night, yes, I was overtaken by lust. But there was also something else much more powerful: love.” He forced his eyes open, focusing his full attention upon her. “I…I’m in love with you. I have been for years, at least since you came back to me. And with everyday, with every experience we’ve shared, I’ve fallen in love with you even further.

“When you asked me to make love to you, it…it was a dream come true. Something I’d been dreaming of for years was really happening. And I didn’t want to stop it. I couldn’t stop it ‘cause all I could think about was being with you.”

He lowered his glance, dropping his hand from her face. “And that fact just makes what I did worse. If I was any kind of a decent human being I should have been able to think past what was happening. I should have been thinking about how it would make you feel afterwards. But the fact that I wasn’t even able to contemplate how the person I’m in love with would feel…that’s just despicable.”

She had yet to make any form of response to his confession. He had at least expected her to softly turn him down, or perhaps yell at him and call him an idiot. However, she just sat there, her face still aimed in the direction he had turned it, the same blank expression shown. He sighed as he took a few steps from Misty, his back to her. “I’m sorry, Misty. I just wanted you too know the true reason behind it. I know I’ve made things even worse than they were before. But, if our friendship is truly over, I just wanted you to know how I really felt…and how special you truly are. You’re an amazing person, despite what those voices within you have said in the past. And because of that I couldn’t help but fall in love with you.”

As he began his journey once more, he perceived a series of wet footfalls behind him.

“Ash?” Misty whispered anxiously.

He stopped instantly, turning to face her. She was a mere few metres away from him, one hand by her side, the other clenched over her heart. It was a stance that was all too familiar to him, the same pose she always held when emotions rose close to the surface.

Their eyes locked once more. They were frozen, unsure what to do, unsure what the other was thinking.

It was Misty who broke the cessation. She transversed the short distance between them, placed a hand upon the back of his neck and lowered his head until it was next to hers.

Ash felt paralysed, confused by her actions. He wanted to speak, but her touch was too intoxicating. He could smell the lake in her hair, feel her breath on his skin, her fingers thread through his hair. What was she doing?

As if to answer his silent pondering, she placed her lips upon his in a gently caress. At first he was too shocked to react, but slowly relaxed into her kiss, deepening it and allowing his eyes to close. All thoughts as to her motivation passed from his mind as he rested his hands upon her hips, bringing her even closer.

After a few moments of the sweet embrace, they separated, breathless. Ash stared into her eyes, finding the sadness and fear gone.

She smiled up at him. “Oh god, Ash.” She set her forehead against his, rubbing her hands over his jaw. “I love you, too,” she whispered. She planted butterfly kisses over his chin and cheeks, repeating those same words constantly. “I love you. I love you.”

All Ash could do was hold her, contemplating her words. She loved him? She had the exact same feelings as he did? Did that mean that she held the night they had spend together in the same regard as he did?

“Mist,” he softly muttered into her ear, feeling a wave uncontrollable relief and amazement passing throughout his body. These past two weeks they had both been torturing themselves with regrets and self-hatred, wallowing in the fear that their friendship had come to an abrupt end. That pain had been entirely unnecessary.

But that didn’t matter any longer. That was the past. What mattered now was the fact that she was in his arms, smiling up towards him. He leant down slightly, coaxing her kisses away from his skin and onto the more sensitive membrane of his lips.