2^nd point of view.

Disclaimer: I don’t own any fairy-tales.

Summary: The Big Bad Wolf’s side of the story...

Note: This is NOT a Pokémon story. I once read a book at my school library which was the three little pigs, from the wolf’s POV. I’m just sorta building on that...

Okay, I’ve heard folks in my situation sometimes write books detailing how they got there, so I figured I might as well too.

My name is Ulric. Ulric Wolff. Yes, that’s right, I’m a wolf, okay? In fact, I’m THE wolf. You know those stories your parents told you when you were little? About the ‘Big Bad Wolf’ who was gonna get you if you didn’t do as you were told? Well, that’s me. The thing is, nobody ever asked me for MY side of the story. Maybe after I tell you what REALLY happened, I won’t seem like such a bad guy after all...

One day, I was walking through the woods when I realized I was starving. I couldn’t find anything, and as I was trying to remember which leaves were poisonous, I remembered that there was this little old lady who lived out by the edge of the woods. She sometimes left food out for the local animals, and I was kinda banking that there was something there for me to eat too. Or at the very least, a squirrel who wasn’t paying attention... So, anyway, I wandered over there.

Along the way, I met this little girl, warned her to be careful going through the forest alone, and continued on my way. When I got to the old girl’s cottage, I discovered that there wasn’t any food out today. But the back door was open a bit. Now, I know better than anybody that these woods are filled with more than just cute, and tasty, little woodland creatures. Some of my cousins have some serious anger management issues... So, concerned, I push the door open and went inside to see if the old lady was okay. After all, we are neighbours, in a way.

Anyway, long story short, the next thing I know, I’m being arrested for breaking and entering with intent to eat, stalking a minor, and, well... something about cross-dressing... don’t ask... Ahem. Moving on. Turns out the old lady was okay, she had just gone to play Bingo down the road, and was in such a hurry, she didn’t close the back door properly. When the police realized that it was just a big misunderstanding, they released me. But my name was mud in that forest. I had to move.

Not long after, I had just gotten settled into my new place, I heard that my dear old mum was sick. I figured, hey, I just got this brand new oven, I’ll bake her a cake, cheer her up. Thing is, I was fresh out of sugar. So, I figured it might be a good time to try and get to know my new neighbours, and borrow a cup of sugar while I’m at it. Now, in hindsight, maybe I shouldn’t have been doing any cooking when I wasn’t feeling that great myself. But I thought it was just a small case of the sniffles, like maybe I was allergic to something. Or maybe it was the fact that my nearest neighbour had built his house out of straw. Can you believe it?! That what you get from not having opposable thumbs...

So, I knocked on the guy’s door, but when he opened it, he took one look at me, squealed and slammed the door in my face before I could even say hi. I knock again, but the only reply I got was something about having to shave... That’s when I felt a major sneeze coming on, it must have been the straw, and before I could stop myself, I sneezed so hard, I blew the house away. After a quick check, I found the pig, that is to say, my former neighbour, but there wasn’t anything I could do. Who would have thought straw could be so deadly... Anyway, my mother raised me to never waste good food, even if it’s your neighbour, so naturally, I ate him. After all, I am a predator.

Afterwards, I went to the next house, because I still wanted to make that cake. This guy was a bit smarter, but not by much, as he built his joint out of sticks and twigs. A real fire-trap if I ever saw one. Turns out I was right... I knocked, he squealed and slammed the door, and I think he said something about being in the middle of shaving... Pigs, go figure... and once again, before I could do anything about it, I sneezed again. Even harder than before. Now, the pig must have had a fireplace or something in there, because when the place came down it burst in to flames. When they had died down a little, I ventured in to check and see if he’d escaped. Now, I’m sure you’ll agree, good roast pork is expensive these days...

Feeling a little bloated, I went to knock on the third door. This guy must have been the brains of the outfit, because he’d built a lovely brick house. The place probably had hot and cold running water. I know it had electricity at least, because he’d already called the local police... This time, my knocks were ignored, and just as I was suffering from a terrible sneezing fit, the police showed up and arrested me. Thankfully, the house stayed up. I definitely couldn’t eat another bite...

So, here I am. Sitting in a cell, serving a life sentence over one little cup of sugar. My mother never did get her cake... Oh well, at least my sniffles have gone... Oh, no... Ah, ah, ACHOO! Great, now the page is wet...

That turned out kinda okay... in case you were wondering, the font is called Fang Song. I figured it might fit the whole wolf thing. Like it? Hate it? Whatever... flames will be used to roast little piggies... Mwahahahahaha! I like ham...

Okay, obviously, I’ve run out of inspiration, as this, and the previous posting were back-up stories for when I had nothing else. So, this will be my last story for a while. I’ll be taking a break from posting fics on the Tower to finish off some that I started, but never got around to finishing off, ya know? When I return, it’ll be under a new name, PROFESSOR WOLFSBANE, so look out for that. Cheers J

AUSSIE WOLF.

11-May-08. (finished fic)

30-Oct-08. (posted)